Saturday, August 28, 2010

Glenn Beck's Rally

I went to Beck-Aid this morning. I gotta say, I was pretty surprised at how many people there were. Armed with my trusty video phone, I asked a few rally goers some questions. These were the responses I received, I'm posting them here...unedited. I didn't try to argue with anyone or grill them, or pin them down on any particular topic. I just asked them a question, and posted their answer. I was a little bit drunk and just didn't feel up to my usual shit-stirring self. I will say, the atmosphere was quite peaceful, in my opinion. Nobody tried to beat me up, skin me, hog-tie me, baptize me, or cut my hair. Thank God. Or maybe Thank Glenn Beck.















Friday, August 27, 2010

selective reduction...

have you heard of this?

apparently, selective reduction is the process of reducing the number of fetuses during a pregnancy. the practice is usually employed when an inordinate number of fetuses jeopardizes the medical safety of the pregnancy.

so in other words, you're pregnant with octuplets, but the doctors fear that anything over six fetuses could harm the mother or the would-be babies. in this case the doctors evaluate which fetuses are the least likely to survive and aborts them for the safety of the entire pregnancy.

creepy but pragmatic in a medical sense.

apparently there is an article in elle this month about a pregnant woman and her doctor choosing selective reduction for financial reasons. she could only afford to support one baby, but having ivr, she wound up pregnant with twins.

creepy.

even creepier? both fetuses were healthy and she knew the gender of each twin prior to her choice!

i'm all about pro-choice... a woman's body is hers... the choice is hers... i'm not picketing... no signs... no politics or religion... but that shit is fucking creepy.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

no eggs... no meat... americans in need of international aid.

how much do you love the fact that our food is getting us sick? more and more, it seems that we can't safely eat food bought in a typical supermarket anymore.

hey, i shop at trader joe's and the local farmer's market - but i'm a snobby liberal with no kids - i don't mind missing a mortgage payment or two to afford my groceries.

(i drink organic milk... does that make me weird?)

well, my sister and her husband now have the salmonella poisoning - raising the media's estimate of salmonella cases in florida to: two.

it was the eggs it seems. she made omelets for her hubby and herself two days in a row. next thing you know, doubled over in a parking lot. nausea, sharp pains, no sense of rhythm...

now its the deli meat.

two months ago the media shocked us all when it linked deli meats to cancer-causing nitrates. now it's tainted with the salmonella. sigh...

but don't panic!

it just might be worth three or four days of crippling illness to sneak in that dagwood. know what? a fried egg is just what you need to top off that bad boy. and if you're lucky enough to avoid food poisoning and butt cancer, you can chase it down with a lipitor and pepcid cocktail. then jab yourself in the face with a couple dozen spoonfuls of ice cream and ... ... ... don't forget your insulin before you slip into your snuggie and pass out for a few hours.

tomorrow you can go to the gym... i hear they have a very nice buffet.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

did you give to pakistan?

listening to npr this morning, they made a point that fewer americans are donating their duckets to aid flood victims than haiti, indonesia, etc.

among the reasons for this apparent lack of support are pakistan's connection with organized terror groups and rampant corruption throughout the government.

is it cynical to think your money would never make to those in need or realistic?

did you give?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

maybe all i need is a shot in the arm

there was a time when barry made moving speeches, wasn't there?


traditionally those magical moments came just in time to pull us out of the deepest doldrums of cynicism. just as we were starting to doubt barry's superhuman strength, he would use his amazing powers to stop an out-of-control train from careening off a cliff into a hospital/orphanage/dnc fundraising event etc. etc. etc.

remember the race speech? holy shit... i still haven't completely cleaned myself up from that one.

those speeches are like democrat-crack - each one of us able to annihilate a dozen tea-baggers with a single snarky smirk.

and all the little elected lefties follow suite as well! truly a site to be seen!!!

yeah... we could really use one of those right now.

who controls the barry-batman spotlight? rahm?

in the meantime, let wilco rock your face off:

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

reality television blows............ my frickin' mind!!!!

reality television is the brain laser that ate captain kirk's mind in "Dagger of the Mind" (season 1, TOS). my wife watches this nonsense... and how many times have i quickly skirted through the room to avoid the crippling affects of the brain laser? countless times i assure you.

i guess it started with our semi-talented next-door-neighbors singing in front of paula abdul and quickly degenerated into smutty teenagers drinking recklessly in aruba or jamaica. the reality craze seems to have reached it's apex as we excitedly watch hopeless hoarders try dig themselves out of their cluttered living rooms, fatties on treadmills, and countless individuals plagued by various psychological and physical ailments that make us feel better about ourselves.

that is what it's all about isn't it? pity?

we love to pity people. we constantly "feel so bad" for somebody and "wish we could help" while really just saddling others with the title of their affliction to point out whatever is wrong with them that we are lucky or skillful enough to avoid.

i suppose there is some true empathy in this world... but really, how much???

i've always thought that this is where reality tv fits into our collective psyche. we no longer have to pity our neighbors, in-laws, cousins, sisters, best friends, bosses, baristas, bassists, barbers and bert blyleven... we can feel bad for anonymous idiots that are neither celebrities nor politicians (neither of the likes, by the way, deserve a shred of pity - let alone empathy)

but then again...

the gods of reality television have brought me this lovely ray of hope in an otherwise desolate entertainment landscape:


the frickin jets on reality television??? i get to watch sanchez and ryan and bart scott and not darrelle revis doing all the stuff that i would otherwise have to sit alone in my room imagining late at night in front of a ouiji board? i can watch the friendly prodding and fraternal banter that naturally occurs among behemoth millionaire athletes? for $14 frickin dollars a month??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

i can totally see the vision of reality teevee now. i get it. and i am so staying up past 10pm to watch hard knocks tonight while my judgmental wife smugly rolls her eyes and quickly evacuates the room lest she become a meat headed, knuckle-dragging mook like her husband.

that is all.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

seriously???

wtf is this?

it doesn't even look like fun... looks more like a calculator. and they wonder why our generation is fucked up.

Monday, August 9, 2010

who is the sheriff in these parts?

iphones and killer bees... stabbings in michigan, prison escapees, oil disasters, boy scouts booing the fucking president???!!!


my man steven slater is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore. slater is was a flight attendant until a rude passenger refused to apologize for bumping into him. broham took over the plane's intercom, tore the place up a little, THEN GRABBED A COUPLE BEERS AND SLID DOWN THE INFLATABLE EMERGENCY SLIDE!!!

this is a true story, and one that will help me get through every miserable day that is the remainder of my professional career.

thank you steven slater.

thank you.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

someone told me...

someone told me they're building a baby gap at the temple mount.

i'm livid.