Friday, December 2, 2011

I Fucked Herman Cain: A Confession

I never thought I would have to admit it, but I too fucked Herman Cain. I am not proud of my actions, and the sex was rather pedestrian, but it did happen, so I have to come forward and tell the world my story. It was the night of the Superbowl. New England was playing Carolina. I was in Boise on business and so was he. We found ourselves sitting in the bar at the Ritz Carlton drinking shots of Wild Turkey and sipping Long Island Ice Teas. He kept remarking how hot he thought Tom Brady's ass was, and how he would love to cuddle with him after the game and maybe give him a foot rub. I remember it so clearly. He kept remarking over and over again how he was certain that Tom's feet must have hurt him so badly.

Then it happened. The Pats won and we went upstairs. It was pretty basic man sex. Make no mistake, despite his macho exterior, the dude is all bottom. Gladly, it didn't last too long and we laid in bed smoking Camel Wides and watching QVC. In the morning I left and never saw him again.

Nothing really eventful happened other than him telling me a story about how he had once had a foursome with three guys that each had nine inch penises. I didn't think much of it at the time.

Since everyone else is coming forward, I thought it was only right that I too shared my story. I am sorry to sell you out Herm, but you left me little choice. Once I found out everyone else was getting a check I felt disrespected.

1 comment:

Shaw Kenawe said...

Funny. I heard that same story from a mohair goat who lives at Benson's Wild Animal Farm.