Can one drink Swine?

I mean, there is no swine without wine... What kind of turd can't tell the difference between someone with flu and a sick drunkard? Am I wrong here, or just an asshole? 

More on the Taliban in Pakistan

Pakistan: Will the bullet hit the bone?

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming, We're finally on our own...

The whole world is watching?

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

How could this happen at a big corporate sponsored love fest?

In case you missed it, K.O. calls Hannity's bluff

Enjoy:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I have searched all of the Internet(s) tubes

This is easily the best site I have found. I don't know what to say about it, but it had to be brought to your attention.

Here is one of many gems:

Nikolai Volkoff-

This pro wrestling legend is available for motivational speaking, autograph signings, and pro wrestling events.

Also, we will be launching the i.E. 2.0 next month. Everything will be the same, only we will post real political content again. 

Warning: Avoid Steve Wilkos

I am home sick today and had the misfortune of Steve Wilkos exposure, and my condition is quickly heading south.

I had never heard of this man until 10 minutes ago and if I am ever able to go back in time, I want to go back 10 minutes and warn myself to block channel 4 from my television set. The recipe for the show seems to be as follows:

Take the worst aspects of Jerry Springer, then add Dr. Phil, then add Red Bull, then add a Cal Ripken Jr. impersonator, then give the show to Vince McMahon to produce. 

It is worse than the words you have just read express.

I have always felt that one can make certain deductions about a society by watching its daytime television. When I was in Malaysia I learned why much of the culture is stuck in the 1950s. In India, I learned that it was possible for a country to be as self obsessed as is the United States. In Britain, I learned that it is possible to continuously run the film "Patton" on a variety of networks without retribution. 

But this is too much.

If I fully understood what the very possibility of this program implies, I would be without motivation to carry forth. My life would become an endless cycle of psychiatric appointments, aggravated assault charges and ex-wives. 

Can anyone out there help me with this? 

I have never wanted to be at work so badly...

His name is Ed... he'd like to see the Swiss dead.

Drive By Tea Party Rant

The lead story for much of the business day today on FOXNews.com was this whiner. These uptight sore losers are saying they are ticked that so many news outlets mocked the T.E.A. Party with teabagging jokes. The underlying message is they don't take you seriously at all. This "so called" grass roots movement did more to snarl traffic than it ever will to change government. Perhaps people would respect this movement if the ones perpetrating this fiasco hadn't been the ones that so fervently supported rampant spending for the past 8 years. We flushed away billions a month on bullshit ideas that didn't work. We funded bullshit projects that served the few and ignored the many. Americans were pissed off and they changed the government by electing Obama. Now, if you want to radically change the government procurement process, I'd say it's long overdue. We blow more cash on dumb things than an 18 year old with their first credit card. Any red blooded American can use the Freedom of Information Act to see just how tax dollars are being spent (if you are very patient). If they did actually take the time to research this, we'd have a coup d'etat by the end of the month. The truth is most of these sad sacks who took the day off work to piss and moan have no fucking clue what they are talking about. Don't believe me? Read the "talk back" section and count the number of times you read the words "liberal" and "socialism." But complaining NOW about how much the government is spending is pretty telling. These people never felt the need to bitch while the GOP was running things and looking back, it seems all they did was spend. To what achievement, I have no clue. Ask a Halliburton stock holder. They might know. Point being. This protest was about as effective as a wet fart and the Republican Party had better come up with something better if they want to regain power any time soon. They come off like cry-babies, which is sad because they have some good points to be made. The message gets distorted and becomes white static.

Jihad on Love

Love... L'amour... That uncontrollable flame that comes out of nowhere and shakes the foundations of rational thought. That unquenchable desire to spend every waking moment with the object of our affection. That unpredictable emotion that drives us to actions and thoughts that bewilder even oursleves. It gives us shortness of breath and flutters in our stomachs. In severe cases of love, one may be convinced to willingly attend a Michael Bolton concert.

It raises us up. It tears us down. And in Afghanistan, it will fucking kill you. Two unfortunate souls in rural Afghanistan (better known as Talibanistan) were hunted down and killed because they had the audacity to try to elope. They wanted to run off and make a new life for themselves in the safe haven of Iran (am I the only one that finds that scary?), but their parents had a shit fit when they caught wind of the plot and before long, the Taliban was there to punish them under sharia law (who died and made them Allah?). I'd rather my daughter run off and marry someone without my consent then have her hunted down and executed, but that's just me.

On the topic of sharia law, Pakistan also recently felt it prudent to approve sharia law in the Taliban infested Swat Valley (this is actually a beautiful place and was THE tourist destination in Pakistan as recently as 2005. Today.. not so much). It's a spineless move that was made to try to keep the temporary peace in a volatile land. Maybe the US will finally do what it shoulda done 8 years ago and knock these fuckers out of power, but in the meantime, women can look forward to being raped and beaten, young girls can look forward to that too, but they also get the knowledge that they have absolutely no chance of bettering themselves and breaking this ludicrous cycle as they will have no access to any education whatsoever. Allah likes his women dumb and covered from head to toe. Or so a certain genocidal shadow government would have you believe.

Okay...

I'm speechless.

Can Glenn Be Charged For This?

Apparently Glenn Beck's douchebaggery almost killed a man on his own show. See below:

Jeb, Hannity and Salvation

Easter is a time for rebirth, guilt and eggs. No doubt, Sean Hannity, a bible thumper who beats his chest in promo spots that he vigorously studied Theology in college (though he dropped out of two NY universities and has, to date, only earned "honorary degrees" from brilliant minds like Jerry Falwell) is glad handing it in some church today and spreading his own gospel on the state of American affairs. His latest effort is "6 Ideas to Save America." Where were these great ideas 5 years ago when we REALLY needed to be saved from ourselves?

And what better way to drum up support than to dust the mothballs off of Jeb Bush as a champion for your cause? Jeb.. who was on the job when the biggest clusterfuck in the American election process took place. Jeb, whose brother implemented the most ridiculous farce in US Education history (leave a comment if you have to guess). Jeb, who has had funding up the ying-yang for years, but who has been publicly criticized for an education plan that yanks funding (cuz there's not enough of that going on) from schools that don't perform well on standardized tests. Jeb, a beacon of light in a dark, dark world.

It's all rhetoric. Jeb says, "Conservatives need to be on the cutting edge of reform" Hannity says we need to break the "unholy alliance between Democrats and teacher's unions." If only ALL Americans were Conservative.. this problem would be fixed already. Getting advice from the close minded and the uneducated on how to "save" education in America is like getting marriage advice from Liz Taylor.

The research I did on this made my head spin. The numbers, voting records, educational rankings. Education is fucked and has been for years. Exhibit A: Some people are dumb enough to give their hard earned money to sites like this one.

28th Amendment to the U.S. Consitution:

Repeal the 22nd Amendment. We got our guy. He is not perfect, yet, but at 47 and with less than three months in office he looks like he could be The One. He is like Lebron James  half way through his rookie year. (Or for Puddy, some good turd with a stick that hits and catches balls).

Remember, FDR never would have gotten a chance to lead this country through WWII if we had this silly amendment. Hell, there is a good chance Clinton might still be president if we had never let this happen. That's right-- No Bush--Ever!  The 22nd Amendment might have given us GWB! 

So ye gather hear and listen to my call: NO MORE 22! NO MORE 22! NO MORE 22!

Gun Control and Abortion: My Solution

I feel very strongly that abortion should be legal and that all guns should be 100% banned. However, there seems to be an increase in fire arm shootings as the economy has tanked and gun sales have sored. 

Yet, I feel that there are so many issues, from illegal wars and human immigration to health care and a backwards economy that we on the left must accept fire arms and turds on the right should do the same with abortion so we can move on to these other issues of enormous consequence. 

Even though we are butchering ourselves in the streets here in the USA, I still hold this opinion--but I am sick to my stomach. My solution is that for every fire arm death that occurs a scientist should be able to perform 1 hour of embryonic stem cell in the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. 

This would make me and many others feel better emotionally and, with some hard work and a tad of luck I might physically feel better if a cure can be found for a disease I might catch, err have in the future. 

UPDATE: Kids shot dead.

Bruno:

The Friday Top 5!!!!!!

OK, so last week's Friday Top 5!!!!!! went better than expected. Enough of you decided to humor me that we were actually able to compile The Top 5!!!!!! things we like about the republican party. Heck of a challenge to start with.

This week's Friday Top 5!!!!!! topic:

The five worst bands of all time are...

There's just too much crap being called music these days... and that's exactly what my parents told me as I sat in front of MTV watching RATT, Devo, Van Halen, and .38 special videos. MTV might of killed the radio star, but American Idol is pretty much destroying everything in its path... I digress.

Top 5, desert island lists are played... what are your 5 least favorite bands of all time? Let's see if you can do it without using Styx, Emerson Lake & Palmer, and ABBA.

(Sal, if you mention Steely Dan, you're off the blog)

Have a nice weekend.

What kind of sick, demented, terminator-robot-fetishistic, or fetish fish stick, kind of bullshit do they have time for in Japan in the middle of a worldwide economic holocaust? Those fuckers at Honda are using mind-control on robots??!! Rest assured, our government, always one step ahead of our friends to the east, has been perfecting the use of mind-control on humans. And sure enough, evil little minions in San Francisco are playing the home game. Is it just a coincidence that the first trials against the Khmer Rouge began this week? What are the chances we'll see some of our friends on trial in 30 years?

You got to move yourself to the music....

Hip Hop is the new recruitment tool for terrorists. I can't wait until the bastards turn to metal! 

Caption This Photo

This is from U.M. Spring Practice:

Try to include the following items: Michael Steele, Fox News, and  Royal Bank of Scotland. 

What a boring April Fool's day. Even Google's silly larks don't do it for me anymore.

Conficker is a bust, the Republicans are attempting to make a departure from their comedic roots, and let's face it: the NCAA tournament is fucking boring.

Make with the baseball already.

Update: Punctuating a completely pointless day, here's Penn Jillette saying absolutely nothing in just 996 words! Why do I even try?