For those that can't vomit:

Some people are plauged by an affliction whereby they cannot puke. This can be deadly. If you are one of these people, and you swallow poision, fear not, a rememedy has appeared! As a Jew, I am so angered and embarased by this that I would say there is at least a 9% chance I will convert to Catholosism by noon tomorrow.

Watch at your own peril:

Obama's fault...

Whilst speaking to a conservative-minded relative of mine this past weekend...

disclaimer #1: said conservative-minded relative HATES being called a republican... i don't know why I find that so funny.
disclaimer #2: dude, if you're reading this - sorry. but you have to know that, as a faggy-liberal-blogger, this is what i do...

so, continuing with my diatribe...

guess which parts of the dow jones industrial average pictured below my closet-republican friend blamed on Obama?



can you see it?

look again...

ok, this isn't where's waldo, my wizard-like photoshop skills provide the required detail. the point is... fucking really???

we had to "agree to disagree" for the sake of family-peace, friendship, and all that happy shit... but i'm a blogger... so i get the last word.

eat it republican fucker :)

Why of the day....

Why are people that were criticizing me for "not being patriotic" several years back (when I supported international law for not wanting to invade a sovereign state) now talking to me about seceding from the Union?

Wii Sex...

This was bound to happen:

Dark Room Sex Game is an award-winning multiplayer, erotic rhythm game without any visuals, played only by audio and haptic cues. The game can be played with Nintendo Wiimote controllers or a keyboard...

In Dark Room Sex Game, the player works with his or her partner to find a mutual rhythm, then speeds up gradually until climax. In four-player “orgy” mode, players swap partners randomly and compete to reach orgasm the fastest.

I hope they're a little less chatty when doing the real thing...

Yep, we've been right this whole time...

William Kristol has an ass where his head should be.

I was sidetracked while looking for right-wing reactions to Obama's Supreme Court pick...

From Kristol's current piece in the the Weekly Standard:

Who cares about Barack Obama's father, his mother, or his "own American journey"? Is his journey so noteworthy that it needs to be intruded into a presidential speech on weighty matters of constitutional law and public policy, of civil liberties and national security?

Didn't we go to war to avenge our last president's daddy?

Or was it just the oil that was intruded into weighty matters of constitutional law and public policy, of civil liberties and national security?

What a butthead.

Useful legislation...

Soon eighteen years olds wont be able to get credit cards quite as easily... but they can bring their favorite guns into national parks!

I love America.

Absolutely fascinating...

From Reuters:

ZACATECAS, Mexico (Reuters) - Suspected members of a Mexican drug cartel disguised as federal police swept into a prison in the northern state of Zacatecas on Saturday and freed 53 inmates, police and army officials said.

The early-morning jailbreak, which took less than five minutes and involved no violence, was carried out by 20 heavily armed men who arrived in 10 vehicles and a helicopter, they said.

All of the escaped prisoners are believed to be members of the armed wing of Mexico's Gulf Cartel, one of the country's most powerful criminal organizations.

I mean, you just can't make this shit up... unless your Robert Rodriguez, of course.

It sure looks like the Mexican government is losing its battle against the "drug gangs" and as a southern California resident, I'm looking forward to quieter times in Mexico.

This is what stupidity looks like:

Please caption:

Dinner

This is graphic:

Update: Fox News Getting Worse

Check out this crop job: 

 

Happy Derby Day: My Interview with Sen. Jim Bunning (R- Kentucky)

I just got off the phone with former Major League Baseball star and the current Junior Senator from the great state of Kentucky--home of today's big race. I have an in with the Republican Party in the U.S. Senate and hope to land more of these interviews. I have long felt that liberals don't take enough time to learn about their political enemies, thus I hope to redress this situation with a weekly series of interviews with prominent Republicans. 

But today is not for politics--today is for the pony's. I figured a leader from Kentucky would have a real knowledge of this race. So here it goes:

i.E. - Good morning Senator. Thank you for taking the time to talk with us.

Sen. Bunnning- Your very welcome.

i.E. - I guess we should start with the big question: who do you like in the Derby today?

Sen. Bunnning - Little Ray of Sunshine is a lock.

i.E. - Why is that? What do you like about L.R.O.S.?

Sen. Bunnning- You see when the horses run the track is sometimes there to be seen so I think that horse will win em'. 

i.E. - I don't see a horse by that name on the program.

Sen. Bunnning- And you won't if look in the liberal press. This country has gotten off track because the liberals are controlling the news media.

i.E.- But sir, surely with the divergent views found online, on talk radio, and conservative outlets like Fox News...

Sen. Bunnning- Fox news ain't conservative, its moderate as all shucks. It just looks like a conservative outfit cause the media's so darn liberal. Its like if you took a ham and put in next to a darn t-shirt sleeve it would like giant like roaring ox, but next to a fire tower you can hardly see her at all. 

i.E.- Well, back to the race...

Sen. Bunnning- I won't talk about the race. I don't see race. I don't see color. I do see a lot of Americans seeing these things and it makes me mad as all shucks. When I used to throw the baseball up in Detroit folks would come out an holler up a darn tornado, and it just rubbed me wrong. So no, I won't discuss that. I am a Christian. It might not mean much to you or to the thieves in the White House, but it means a lot to me and my savior.

i.E.- But this race brings a lot of money into your state...

Sen. Bunnning- If someone gave you a million dollars to come in to your house, eat your food, drink your water, sit on your floor while he digests your food and your water and then takes a wootin' nanny on your floor would you take that sittin'? 

i.E.- Probably. 

Sen. Bunnning- And I don't. 

i.E.- A million dollars is a lot of money...

Sen. Bunnning- A man's character ain't never for sale, and this president of ours ain't got no character. 

i.E.- What about President Bush. He is your friend....

Sen. Bunnning- There you are, always bringing up George.

i.E.- But we have never spoken before. How do you know...

Sen. Bunnning- I know your kind. You like to talk to folks about things you think you know about, but you don't. You don't talk to the right people about the right things. Take Iran and the free health care. Your president wants to take my money and give it to the terrorists for insurance. Just makes me mad as shucks. 

i.E.- I am dumbfounded.

Sen. Bunnning- And your just flat dumb. You want to take my money and give it to some Arab in North Korea who hates these United States for health care? You want to get rid of the fine military we built and give it to Cuba now? Makes me mad as shucks and I'll tell ya somethin' else-- I ain't alone and I ain't gonna give the federal government my guns. From my cold, dead hands.

i.E.- So if I understand you correctly, you don't have a favorite today?

Sen. Bunnning- I have a favorite everyday. Its called family and prayer. You Heathens take them darn horses and ride them straight into Hell.

i.E.- Thank you, sir. It was a pleasure.

Sen. Bunning- The pleasure was all on this end of the line. 

i.E.- Good luck today.

Sen. Bunnning- Thank you. 

Weekend Comedy: Woody Allen's Bananas

Enjoy this clip: