Friday, September 17, 2010

restore sanity / keep fear alive

gonna be there? bet your sweet ass i will.

the question is... is this a politically inspired event or just a fan-boy star-trek circlejerk? it wouldn't matter either way if we didn't need this so badly right now. satire is a powerful thing.

stewart mentioned "special guests" - i wonder if john stamos will be there?


Wednesday, September 15, 2010


field negro had us up briefly as the blog he is "feeling" only to quickly remove the honor and banish us from his blog roll.

not sure what happened there... sure, our blog is kinda crappy - but field has given us a shout out on many occasions - how could he only now be figuring out that we suck???


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

mama don't let your babies grow up to be influenced by the president's socialist agenda

barry has released the text of his "back to school" speech prior to today's live classroom broadcast. the early release was intended to counter last year's outrage that many parent's expressed at having the president discuss his political agenda with their children.

that's right... parents are outraged that the president might teach their children about keynesian economics.

but here's what barry has actually come to tell them:

[...]nobody gets to write your destiny but you. Your future is in your hands. Your life is what you make of it. And nothing – absolutely nothing – is beyond your reach. So long as you’re willing to dream big. So long as you’re willing to work hard. So long as you’re willing to stay focused on your education.

sure. dream big while the walls of our underfunded institutions literally crumble around you. stay focused on your education while class sizes increase each year - while teachers are being asked to do more while being paid less - while the universities that your parents cant afford to send you to have less and less to offer you because of budget cuts...

follow the money. our country puts it's cash into afghanistan and citibank.

the university of phoenix will soon have better qualified professors than UCLA. but what will they be teaching?

the academic landscape is being infiltrated by for-profit institutions whose curriculum is determined by goldman sachs, haliburton, exxon, conoco phillips, wal-mart, etc. etc. etc.

the ancient ideal of university is quickly being replaced by balance sheets as we devolve and descend into another dark age.

but hey, barry should really just stick to the speech - the kids will figure all that other depressing stuff out for themselves soon enough.

who needs a drink?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

time to really mess with this guy's head...

now that rev. flavor saver has decided not to burn the qur'an, i think it's only fair that we call him out for what he very obviously is:

a dirty appeaser who believes that christians should fear muslims and that muslims should be able to intimidate americans without consequence.

furthermore, his decision to cave to demands of the librul media completely annuls the first amendment and turns the constitution into a wad of wet toilet paper.


seriously though... what does rev. surrender monkey get for all his hard work? a giant fucking spotlight on his church business:

  • Terry Jones, the controversial pastor behind the recent call to burn copies of the Quran on Sept. 11, runs a church that spends most of its money on administrative expenses and operates a furniture business out his church in Gainesville, FL.
i guess "godliness is next to the barely used sofa-bed". that would look nice stitched on a throw pillow.
  • [...]the Dove World Outreach Center, "program services" accounted for 30.5 percent of the church's expenses, while "Administrative costs" accounted for 69.5 percent.
sure. mustache administration is expensive.
  • [...]he also sells the book he authored, "Islam is of the Devil", as well as mugs, tee shirts and hats on another website he
hmmm... what does this remind me of?

  • [...] an online real estate listing may indicate Jones is looking for other ways to drum up some cash. According to the listing on real estate website, the Dove World Church is for sale for 2.9 million. The listing says the property has been "reduced $1.1 million for a quick sale".
what??? a guy can't make an honest living flipping churches? besides, i hear there's a real nice piece of property in downtown NYC that's about to become available.
  • Though the church once enjoyed tax-exempt status, it lost part of that status this spring, according to the Alachua County Property Appraiser's office. A representative from the appraiser's office visited Dove World Outreach Center March 25th, and determined the church must pay taxes on the 1,700 square feet of its property that is being used for the Jones' for-profit business. The church will pay $3,200 in property taxes this year.
so why are we calling this a "church" and referring to this media-whoring fraud as a "reverend"?

Friday, September 10, 2010

question of the day...

why is it that the folks complaining that they aren't able to speak their minds haven't shut the fuck up since november 4, 2008?

they seem to be doing their fair share of speaking.

and my personal favorite:

Thursday, September 9, 2010

and after all this... you die.

so, according to this economist article we already have among the shortest retirement periods.

now, consider the impending raise in the retirement age, take away some social security income, mix in a little market volatility just to make things interesting...

and then there's the death panels, of course...

fuck it. i'm grabbing a beer, some viagra and a pack of smokes. i'm going out wasted with a raging boner.
work is for suckers.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

supreme dickwad terry jones

UPDATE: major props to rackspacehosting for taking two of terry jones's sites down because the sites "violated the hate speech provision of our acceptable use policy."

UPDATE: dove world's site is down... i guess too many people were trying to join the congregation!

in case you are wondering...

this is the ignorant assbag rev. terry jones that plans on expressing himself by burning the Qur'an on 9/11:

and this is his sign that expresses his thesis:

these are his words that he uses to express his religious perspective:

...we say “Islam is of the devil” because the teachings of Islam and what that produces in lies, violence and oppression are of the devil. We hope and pray that Moslems will come out of Islam and become Christians.

If Jews deny that Jesus Christ was the Messiah, the Savior of the World, then their beliefs are also of the devil, in the sense that they will not be saved. However, there is much more hope for the teachings of Judaism leading people to a belief in Christ, since they are pointed constantly to the hope of the Messiah, than for the followers of Mohammad.

and this is the link to the contact page of the dove world outreach center that you can use to express yourself to this dipshit:

contact dove world outreach center

this is a chance to express yourself, so be creative.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

that was nice... now get back to laboring.

mark david chapman was reminded again today that happiness is not a warm gun.

there aren't a lot of people upon whom i wish the sort of doom that i wish upon this scum.

sure, lennon wasn't kennedy... but then again, kennedy wasn't lennon now was he?

Friday, September 3, 2010

No need to panic. I'll just lash together a few raw facts, a little bit of Negro wisdom, and this nightmare is over.

my favorite quote of the day (so far) comes from paul krugman:

if [Obama] came out for motherhood, the G.O.P. would declare motherhood un-American.

krugman's been sitting on this piece for almost two years. it's mostly an i told you so story with a plea to obama to go long on his socialist economic directives initiatives next week.

if krugman's wishes come true then i like this strategy from the white house... send an entire fleet out to rescue the s.s. minnow - let gilligan and his crew refuse the lifeline just in time for an election-day sprint.

fart smella that obama, eh?

(and yes, i know it was the skipper's crew not gilligan's - but with glenn beck playing gilligan to newt's skipper, it all makes sense)

intermission (this one's for the ladies:)

(feel the waves of titillation wash over you as paul makes love to you with those dreamy eyes. run your fingers through his ample mop-top, british invasion, looks-like-a-wig-but-really-isn't-thingy on top of his head. hear the rustling of small forest creatures living inside that thing on his face...)

...and we're back...

so, some of the folks over at fox news, the crafty little cockroaches, are on to barry's scheme:

...the actual package, when announced will include some spending to placate unions and liberals who believe that the Obama stimulus was, in fact, too small...

The hope among Democrats, though, is that they can ultimately get Republicans to oppose the plan...

i know i shouldn't still be bothered by this shit... but i am.

there is a scene in where the buffalo roam in which hunter s. thompson (as excellently depicted by bill murray) puts a random piece of newsprint into a fax machine (there, chew on that gibberish for awhile, you heartless scum!)

turn off the tv's folks, board up the windows and doors, cause we're on the receiving end - analyzing the shit out of that trash for the entire upcoming week.

have a nice labor day. unless you're unemployed in which case it will just be another laborless day for you.

as for me, its in-law season and i'm setting the controls for the heart of the sun. i'm headed to the bad lands of northern florida. a short seven-hour jaunt south to see if we can't rustle up some gator meat and bask in the cancerous rays of a state's sun that seems to bring out the serial killer in a statistically significant number of it's citizens. nothing's legal in florida... yet... if the shit's gonna hit the fan, the fan is usually in the 27th state of our union.

wish me luck.

hell, wish us all luck.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

the audacity of glenn

glenn, aka man-hamster, has successfully restored our honor.

i feel like i’ve been baptized in bullshit.

how about this: we’ve lost our honor because the christian-right senses a world-wide undertow pulling away from christian-american influence?

is this the first time they’ve noticed it? or is the sentiment just now so strong that they are finally humoring our disinterest of their morality olympics?

and why does the christian-right get to challenge america’s honor?

considering our nation’s role in genocide against an indigenous population, slavery and perpetual exploitation of foreign populations, japanese internment camps, unjust wars, rationalized torture, intolerance of other religions, and the designated hitter rule… IT’S OUR DE-CHRISTIANIZATION THAT CHALLENGES OUR HONOR?

their morality comprises nothing more than finding christ.

we heal and grow from the recognition and redemption of our past.

it does our country the greatest dishonor to ignore our past and accuse those who can’t of Hating America.

and now apparently barrack obama is slaughtering nine-month old babies while declaring himself the messiah of the world. okay… you just sit there and keep an eye on that.