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Blogging to the attention deficit generation |
My friends, does any combination of letters sound better than "former President Bush"? It is the linguistic equivalent of watching Cheney carted off, unable to transport himself under the weight of his own criminality. But more than enough bandwidth has been spent on these thugs, so on to the present.
I thought Obama had a strong start yesterday, and I am glad he took up the Gitmo issue right away. That being said, here are the top five items I want him to take care of today (in no particular order):
1) Push to abolish the death penalty. Its time we catch up with the rest of the civilized world.
2) Push to institute universal health care. Its time we catch up with the rest of the civilized world.
3) Issue an executive order to remove Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and allow homosexuals to serve.
4) Push to legalize (and tax) marijuana.
5) Issue an order to leave Iraq by the end of the summer.
Fox loves being negative. They fucking love it. They recently tooted their own horn for having the most internet hits in their history for an article about that Caylee girl that "allegedly" got killed by her mom in Orlando. They wear that as a badge of achievement which explains a lot. Throughout W's tenure as a president, FOX defended their brand of reporting as the only unbiased media source in the US (which explains the myriad of American flags that can always be seen on their channel). What a load of crap. They were obvious in their support of McCain, and they are equally obvious in their coverage of what should be heralded as a positive turning point in the evolution of this great nation. As previously mentioned, I was working today and followed the events via the internet in brief spurts. At 8:00 am, the inauguration wasn't even the top story on foxnews.com; it was the merger between Chrysler and Fiat. Then when they finally decided to cover the inauguration as the top story, it was always done with innuendos, downplaying the excitement and celebration. Example: a link to a video on the speech read **In his own words: "I, Barack Hussein Obama"** as if that was the most important phrase he spoke. Just another opportunity to mislead the easily duped by regurgitating the non-factor that is President Obama's middle name. Now they have a link that reads **Steal Obama's Secrets, Apply His Magic**, a tutorial on how to speak like President Obama. As if he only got to where he is because he's a good orator. Of the course the connotation is that he used "MAGIC, " (black magic at that) and tricks to fool the American people into getting to where he is. That actually sounds more like W in 2000, but I won't go there. Other lowlights are **Obama, Roberts Stumble Over Oath** (thank God they didn't have one of those posts every time W misspoke) and **Crowds Cause Disruption in Tech, traffic Patterns** The point being, FOX sucks. And so long as bottom feeders, haters and elitists thrive on this negativity, the scum that makes up their lineup will always have jobs. Heaven forbid they put a positive spin on anything. They'd melt.
I wish I knew what criminal schemes the Commander in Douch has up his nose right now. But anyway, I thought I would list some of his greatest hits as a way of making today a bit sweeter. Rememeber, you will never have to go to bed again with a President GWB for the rest of your life!
With out further ado:
To honor this special day, I will go to work. Those taxes aren't gonna pay themselves. Today I am proud to be an American moreso than I have been in roughly eight years. While there are few wrong ways to celebrate this historic moment, I must say I am totally on board with this one. Book your appointments, ladies!! You'll stimulate more than the economy.
Day 2 : Sunday, Jan 18
The "We are One" concert was one the most beautiful things I've ever been a part of. It was easily the largest, most diverse crowd, I've ever seen.
I have to post on this. Bud Light wont let this ridiculous ad campaign go; instead, they've taken to fighting back against those mindful few that have voiced their frustration with the misuse of the "word" drinkability. In their newest ad, Bud Light offers as a definition the same explanation that is the first link provided when searching for "drinkability" on Google - which is obviously the most easily available definition of the word therefore seeming to have taken this issue not at all seriously: "Suitable or fit for drinking; potable." But I, being an argumentative prick, beg to differ on the grounds that bleach, liquefied cyanide, and pomegranate juice are all drinkable given their fluid traits. You wouldn't want to drink any of them, but they are indeed drinkable; therefore, each has at least some level of drinkability. On the other hand, some things are just clearly not drinkable such as: a brick, the Nation of Guam, and Carl Yastrzemski. Bud Light's ridiculous and obvious and completely fictional response to this would then probably be that drinkability refers to a liquid that will not kill you and provides a reasonable level of enjoyment to the consumer assuming the item is used in its intended form which is of course the form of drinking, hence expertly defining their meaning of the "word" drinkability and supposedly putting an end to meaningless blog posts all over the Internet exactly like this one. Well, if that's what they meant, then why didn't they just say it?
"Bud Light: It's a liquid that will not kill you"
Day 1 - Saturday Jan 17
All of the bridges across the Potomac to DC from Virginia are going to be closed. One bridge, The Memorial Bridge, will be open to pedestrians only. In other words, it will be impossible to enter DC from it's southern neighbor Virginia, unless you are on foot. Some say this is an thinly veiled attempt to discourage attendance from Northern Virginia, an area with a significant African American population. Your reporter discovered that the bridges are actually being closed to discourage attendance from anyone living in a state which lost the Civil War.
An informal survey at an unofficial Pre-inaugural ball in Georgetown revealed that 6 out of 6 white people surveyed will NOT be attending the inauguration. Reasons given included the cold weather, the crowds, and schedule conflicts with a episode of "Real Housewives of Orange County" Your reporter was the lone exception, but failed to stay awake long enough to be asked, and was very dissapointed to hear both the results, and that he had missed it.
Metro Rail has not reported any major problems, but no one has actually gotten past the Smart Card vending machines yet.
Progressives who hoped to stage a mass protest during the invocation given by Rick Warren are being encouraged not to disrupt the ceremony by throwing shoes, blowing kisses, booing or hissing. Progressive leaders are instead encouraging would be protesters to wear rainbow colored sashes to the Inauguration. Your reporter hasn't seen any of these rainbow colored sashes for sale in local shops, nor has he looked, but instead smokes Virginia Slims Menthol with a pink lighter and feels he is doing his part.
The temperature has thus far cooperated with the Inaugural Weekend festivities. Your reporter claims it has remained hovering around 77F. Updates and or changes to this temperature will be reported when your reporter actually goes outside.
I love this picture. I wish there were another 11 months of these, I'd make a calendar.
I have an announcement to make:
Do you wish you were in DC this weekend? Are you disappointed about having to watch Inauguration 2009 on TV? Faithful readers of IE, fear not. The blogger formerly known as Hanoi Jake will be blogging live from inside the beltway, to bring you all of the Inaugural sights and sounds, first hand. Armed with his trusty Nokia N72 and a $40 Starbucks gift card (Thanks Uncle Ronnie), he has set out to provide us with full coverage of all the main events, from Saturday until Tuesday, as long as he does not get too drunk.
From Security Checkpoints on the Potomac bridges to the bar stools of the District's cheapest drinking establishments, and all points in between, our man formerly of Hanoi will be there. His insight and poetic musings will entertain you, inform you and possibly disturb you. It's not to be missed.
So, sit back, turn off your television, turn up your stereo and stay tuned. The revolution will not be televised. It will be blogged.
When he's not torturing cats or providing a medical prognosis from a thousand miles away, Bill Frist likes to suck up to the Bush Administration that made him relevant (as if he doesn't have enough punches on his cronyism card). In a recent "commentary" piece he wrote for CNN, Frist explains that the liberal media and politicial pundits ignore it, but that George Bush is, and will go down in history as, a "healer." Yep. That's the word he uses over an over. He explains that W committed $15B to helping to curb the spread of HIV in Africa (as if Bush ever had a problem writing checks future generations needed to cash). Frist touts the success of this program will eventually save 10 million lives in Africa (which kinda makes up for the millions he has been destroying here at home), a number he pulled straight out of his ass. He also gave $1.2B to combat malaria in Rwanda and enacted a plan to get prescription drugs (which he calls "the most powerful tool a doctor has to prevent and treat disease" - an argument for another day) to 43 million senior citizens who couldn't previously afford it. He also tries to spin a yarn that American students are smarter in math and science today than they were in the Clinton administration (he provides no real evidence of this, of course). I read this "commentary" and stared at the picture of Frist for about 45 minutes to see if I could detect any bullshit coming out his ears. To his credit, he kept it all in. (Special thanks to http://www.sparklepony.blogspot.com/ for such an awesome picture - please check her blog frequently~really good stuff)
Here's tonight's update on what the gullible are being spoonfed. The far-left media is staining the fabric of this fine country by accusing Americans of being a nation that "sadistically inflicts pain on the innocent and guilty" and condones torture. Funny, I found this little number on the not-so-far-left media outlet that signs your checks, Bill. In it, a top Bush official says, we kinda sorta may have knowingly tortured someone (you don't say). As we have discussed on this site, Cheney is most certainly subject to prosecution for actions he took while in office. W. has a get out of jail free card (for now). The thing that gets me is that the practice of torture is justified by the dynamic duo on the grounds that they had the authority to do what they felt needed to be done. Here's what the UN defines torture as. So what authority is it Cheney and W think they have? Executive privelege (may I never hear those words again). Fuck the UN. So basically you make your own rules. What's that called again? A dictatorship? O'Reilly drops the word un-American whenever anyone challenges the authority of the White House (which will change once Obama is the H.N.I.C.). What he doesn't get is that, unfortunately, we're not always in the right. Today's O'Reilly "please think for me" buzzword, for those that like to play along, is "radical left jihad." And as for your threat to "name names" and "make it stop" Bill. I am no-spinning in my pants.
Hah! Who are we kidding? In a recent interview with Jim Lehrer, Darth Cheney says among other things that Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda were in cahoots (despite internal investigations to the contrary), and that he feels no regret for his part in the deaths of 100,000+ dead Iraqis and 4500 previously alive Americans. He also feels the war on terror (sponsored by Halliburton et al.) in no way caused an iota of the current economic crisis. He does blame the Democratic lead Congress however for blocking a Fannie/Freddie wrist slap which apparently could have averted this whole mess. If you'd like to know what arrogance truly is, you can read a transcript here. I am going on record now that this dark soul will expire before the end of Obama's first term because, as we all know, dead men tell no tales. Lord knows what dark and twisted secrets will die with him.
Herb Quintero is trying to live his own version of the American dream. He invested half a million dollars renovating a building in a somewhat dodgy section of Clearwater, FL to open a bait and tackle shop. Part of this investment was hiring an artist to paint pictures of gamefish like grouper and snook on the side of the building. The audacity!!! Shortly after opening up shop, Herb started getting fines from the Pinellas County stating that local ordinances forbid shop owners from putting up signs on the sides of business establishments. Um.. what sign; they are pictures of fish!?!? Herb tried to plead his case to local dickwad, Jeff Kronschnabl (director of development and neighborhood services), but was told to pound sand. Fearing an additional fine (the economy is bad enough, right?), Herb decided to cover up the mural... with an enormous sign depicting the First Amendment. Since then, Herb has been (slowly) gaining national attention, but his fight continues. If you'd like to voice your opinion (as many have) on this, feel free to contact Jeff Kronschnabl here. And before you do any fishing in the Tampa/Clearwater area, please show your support by stopping by The Complete Angler. This is a prime example of your tax dollars (if you happen to live in Pinellas County, at least) being pissed away on frivilous bullshit.
