Sunday, January 18, 2009

Inauguration Weekend : Big Inaugural Balls

Day 1 - Saturday Jan 17

All of the bridges across the Potomac to DC from Virginia are going to be closed. One bridge, The Memorial Bridge, will be open to pedestrians only. In other words, it will be impossible to enter DC from it's southern neighbor Virginia, unless you are on foot. Some say this is an thinly veiled attempt to discourage attendance from Northern Virginia, an area with a significant African American population. Your reporter discovered that the bridges are actually being closed to discourage attendance from anyone living in a state which lost the Civil War.

An informal survey at an unofficial Pre-inaugural ball in Georgetown revealed that 6 out of 6 white people surveyed will NOT be attending the inauguration. Reasons given included the cold weather, the crowds, and schedule conflicts with a episode of "Real Housewives of Orange County" Your reporter was the lone exception, but failed to stay awake long enough to be asked, and was very dissapointed to hear both the results, and that he had missed it.

Metro Rail has not reported any major problems, but no one has actually gotten past the Smart Card vending machines yet.

Progressives who hoped to stage a mass protest during the invocation given by Rick Warren are being encouraged not to disrupt the ceremony by throwing shoes, blowing kisses, booing or hissing. Progressive leaders are instead encouraging would be protesters to wear rainbow colored sashes to the Inauguration. Your reporter hasn't seen any of these rainbow colored sashes for sale in local shops, nor has he looked, but instead smokes Virginia Slims Menthol with a pink lighter and feels he is doing his part.

The temperature has thus far cooperated with the Inaugural Weekend festivities. Your reporter claims it has remained hovering around 77F. Updates and or changes to this temperature will be reported when your reporter actually goes outside.


puddy said...

please, please, please take lots of pictures and post them.

Dick Tremayne said...

The one and only time I ever worked as a chauffer was for W's first inauguration. There were a lot of white people and no bridges were closed. I was paid well and it was the easiest shift I ever had in my life (although it doesn't compare to the shift Sal worked at TJ Maxx when he hid under a huge pile of clothes for two hours to take a nap).

Dick Tremayne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Distributorcap said...

this is so much better than CNN

libhom said...

People really should boo Rick Warren. Barack Obama should apologize for inviting him.