Saturday, January 31, 2009

Economics, Inflation and Simpler Times



Homegrown propaganda from way back beats thinking about CEO bonuses and the stimulus package.. at least for today.

Friday, January 30, 2009

21st Century Pachyderms

Still smarting from across-the-board defeats, the GOP is trying to rebuild itself in radical ways. To start, they elected Michael Steele to become the first black chairman of the RNC (I wonder if he'll get his own "magic negro" song) over a guy who just cancelled his membership to a "whites only" country club. The vote was 91-77. They also launched this website to coordinate a plan of attack to reclaim the power that so quickly slipped away from them. In it they key in on several areas they need to improve upon immediately. The primary focus of this resurgence will be on building a grassroots movement through the internet to rally support for their party:

The challenge is daunting, but if we adopt a strongly anti-Washington message and charge hard against Obama and the Democrats, we will energize our grassroots base.

They are also looking to recruit 5 million online activists to fight against "the Obama agenda." Obama had roughly 3 million people serving a similar role in his campaign and T. Boone Pickens has about 1.4 million people spreading the word on energy issues. Key to their success will be drumming up support from Technology fat cats who would be willing to lend a hand and adopting a new, less fearful view of being pioneers in this unfamiliar territory.

Also crucial to this plan is having at least 40% of their nominees be of the age of 40 or younger:

Undoing the damage to our party's brand among America's youth will take more than new slogans and hip spokespeople. It will mean making young voters the face of the Republican Party, and not just another target group with its own bulleted list of "outreach" talking points. To that end, the next Chairman should commit to a simple goal: working towards a Republican Party where at least 40% of our challenger and open seat candidates for Congress are under 40. Such a party will send a signal to all Americans that the GOP is once again the party of the future.

Say what you will about this strategy.. It reeks of, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em," especially with the election of a relatively young black leader who says it will be a "great honor to spar" with President Obama. It makes perfect sense because having Steele as the mouthpiece of the party negates the race card. While many Dems are still celebrating the new dawn of Obama's presidency, the GOP is getting their shit together. And they have proven to be resourceful, resilient and fucking sneaky.

Check out http://www.rebuildtheparty.com/ for regular updates on their nefarious activities. Their intentions are quite deliberate. They are down, but not out and are not in a big rush to "reach across the aisle" if they are not in charge. Shocker.

Survival of the fittest

I find it hysterical that people who scream, "Creationism" at the top of their lungs are now the likely victims of Darwinism. Despite ONE news outlet's claims to the contrary, GOP Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell paints a very grim picture of the state of the Republican Party in which he says that the rich, poor, smart and dumb have by and large "stopped paying attention" to them. He says the Republicans have to do everything they can to attract black and hispanic voters to their party (I wonder what the trouble has been?) He says that people are not putting their party in a very positive light and that they need to alter perceptions:

"Too often we’ve let others define us," McConnell said. "And the image they’ve painted isn’t very pretty. Ask most people what Republicans think about immigrants, and they’ll say we fear them. Ask most people what we think about the environment, and they’ll say we don’t care about it. Ask most people what we think about the family, and they’ll tell you we don’t — until about a month before Election Day."

In saying this, I have to wonder if he knows his party very well at all. You do fear immigrants and promote xenophobia. Didn't the Republicans try to build a 3000 mile wall along the Mexican border? Lord knows every right wing radio show host has said quite harsh things about immigrants, especially the illegal ones. The environment? Are you shitting me? The Republicans reversed a ton of conservation bills Clinton put into effect and eased up on environmental protection laws for manufacturers and energy companies that endorsed them financially. Family, you're fine on Mitch. Ann Coulter has made it very clear that single mothers are a blight on society.

The coffers are empty and the rats are leaving the ship. I'm not predicting the GOP will splinter into a thousand pieces just yet. But it is clear they got beat by a man who rose above the bullshit and played fair to get to the highest seat in our government and the Republicans are in a tailspin refusing to hit the EJECT button. By the time they right their ship, we will be in a much better place (which they will try to destroy).

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Rush Limblah

Preferences can be strange. I am often amazed with how quickly the human heart and mind can get mixed up and shift desires. For example, this morning I let my dog out in the yard and walked through the patio to open the door for her. As I opened the yard door, the backdoor to my house closed and, for reasons I still don't understand, locked behind me. This was at 8am and all I was wearing were pajama pants that have a big hole in the place you don't want a big hole at 8am in 45 degree weather. Good thing I hit the gym last night!

At night, when I lock my doors, I feel safe and I prefer that my house be break in proof. Suddenly, in a flash, my preferences drastically changed and I looked to exploit any opening I could. Fortiently I was able to pick the lock using a grill fork in about 3 seconds. I was glad, but how soundly will I sleep tonight?

This brings me to Limblah and his nonsense. The Internet Tubes have covered his shtick as thoroughly as is necessary and I won't ad to it here. Click the hyperlink in the last sentence if you are lost.

My preferences about this turd shift like Rush's man boobs when he bounces on an elephant trampoline. If we ignore him, he goes away--but if he goes away, who is going to keep the right crazy? Does not a crazy right help the cause of progress? He and his followers remind me of Le Pen in France. He usually has about 20% support of the radical right in his country, but they are such loons that they scare the shit out of the other 80% that vote for anyone not named Le Pen. Behind Rush, the right could literally become a 20% faction that is relegated to holding power only at monster truck events, KKK rallies, and paper doll committees for Sarah Palin's annual Easter party.

However, this is not good for the body politic. The truth is, there should sound opposition to any ruling party for a healthy polis. Yet, the seemingly sensible folks in the GOP are more concerned with sucking Rush's cigar than basing policy on sensible, rational thought. Not to say they are not capable, they are just unwilling.

Lets be honest, how would the Republicans have voted had (former!!!) President Bush brought that same package to the floor? Rush would have put up a fuss, but it would have gotten at least some Republican support.

In closing, for I am not sure I have made any sense here at all, Rush is a turd and if we just ignore him and his clones, they will take their rightful place in the asshole of American intellectualism. If we continue to discuss him, he will get stronger. Just ask Marlyn Manson...

Know-it-all Elitists Have Feelings Too

Rush Limbaugh recently said he hopes President Obama fails in bringing about the change he has targeted for the past two years. Obama, far from your average politician, essentially told Limbaugh to "stick it." While speaking with Republican leaders preparing to vote on the stimulus plan, Obama essentially said what I have been thinking for years... Limbaugh is not about providing solutions; he is about fingerpointing, name-calling and twisting around a given situation to boost his ratings. He told Republican leaders to stop listening to Limbaugh if they want to fix this country. And Rush nearly cried. How a disgusting lump of crap like him ever reached the status of "bully" is beyond me. But Obama knows, the best way to stop a bully is to bop him on the nose. (You're next Rove!)

[coolest picture of the year by Dark Black]

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Twin Peaks

If you have never watched the t.v. show Twin Peaks, please lock yourself up for the weekend and watch the whole series. If you have, you will have no choice but to buy these limited edition Nike sneakers inspired by the David Lynch creation. With Black Lodge soles and Owl accents, owning these will surely make you the coolest person in your zip code. Especially if you are seen enjoying cherry pie and a damn good cup of coffee while wearing them.

Compare and Contrast

8 days into his presidency, President Obama is proving to be a man of action. The stimulus bill is moving forward. It's not perfect and the GOP predictably is poo-pooing it. It still needs tweaking, but it passed. Looking back at W's first month as president, I'd say we're off to a good start. In his first month in office, W met with Vicente Fox to help smooth out issues with NAFTA and met with Tony Blair to discuss Saddam Hussein who was most assuredly developing "weapons of mass destruction." I dug up this old interview discussing that wondrously crappy chapter of American history. Al Gore's hangover beard was mere five o'clock shadow and the beds were just getting made in Crawford, Texas for an unearned month long siesta from responsibility. The most telling excerpt from this discussion references Bush's insatiable hard-on for Saddam Hussein and his knee jerk reaction to bomb Iraq.


"The last thing you really want to do is throw a match in the region, and that's really what he did and it wasn't a very effective match, I must say, because some of the bombing -- now we have found out that it wasn't effective in taking out some of these sites that needed to be taken out. So now we have a bigger problem on our hands."

Here's the link. Reading it makes me a bit nauseous as our foolish decision to invade Iraq seems to have been an orchestrated decision from the onset.


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Be afraid! Be unhappy! Do as you are told!

Regular readers of this site know that we have been tracking the experiments of the Large Hadron Collider with great interest. The pursuit of the Higgs Boson is the modern day Grail quest for physicists worldwide. Sadly, the brainiacs at CERN had a setback when their atom smasher had to be shut down for repairs shortly after their much anticipated trials began.


While the average American Idol, Nickelback or Sarah Palin fan is completely clueless as to what particle physics is (because thinking is hard), the fact that these experiments are taking place is old news. The debate as to the risks these tests can create black holes is old news. But the misery machine at FOX news has taken a new tidbit of research and did what they do best. They told you what it means (because research and independent thought is, like, such a drag) and why you should be in fear of it.

Here is the article in question. Besides the fact that the article is shorter than a third grade book report (for something that simply cannot be explained in so few words), it is written in the snarkiest of tones. The miniscule amount of research done to create this blurb is also evident in the first sentence which implies the LHC had not already been turned on. They obviously haven't seen this video. Miles away from what any self respecting editor would call "journalism," this piece offends further by the simple fact that nobody chooses to claim credit for having written it (to be fair, FoxNews.com DOES refer to itself in the third person). Come now.. every time I make a sarcastic attempt at wit, I have the decency to tie my good name to it. I guess with FOX it doesn't matter so long as the message is delivered: BE AFRAID. Either that, or as I have long assumed, they have a team of monkeys working around the clock.
Ultimately what the argument on physicist blogsite, ArXiv.org says is that black holes that may form in the LHC experiments could last a little longer than initially predicted. The question of how long a tiny black hole takes to decay is at the root of this debate. Based on what I have read, I think the most brilliant (and misunderstood) minds of our time have things under control. Reading the follow-up comments from people in the know, I will defy voice that wishes to control me and get a good night's rest. One cannot be poisoned if one doesn't swallow the pill.

See ya later, sinners...

Prop 8, The Muscical:

Where is it worse to fail: The Danger of Blago


For starters, in the above photo, doesn't it look like Blagojevich is about to make the Fist of Metal? He looks like he is 2/3 of the way there.
Eugene Robinson wrote an interesting column in today's Washington Post that pretty much summed up my feelings on this scandal. I use the word feeling, and not thought, intentionally, for my thoughts on the matter really don't have that much to do with the soon-to-be former Governor. Mr. Robinson opens the piece as follows:
Is Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich about to be impeached on grounds of
loopiness, obnoxiousness and a bad haircut? Apparently so. In defense of the
Illinois state senators who seem to have already decided the governor's fate,
however, the haircut really does border on the criminal.
But it is unclear
to me what else Blagojevich has done that a duly constituted jury would find
illegal. Even in the matter of his menacing mop, at worst he's a co-conspirator
in a dastardly act committed by his barber.
Unfortunately for the governor,
the Illinois Senate is not bound by the strict rules of evidence and testimony
that constrain a criminal court. And even an observer as biased as I am -- what
columnist wants to see such a colorful and unpredictable figure banished from
the political scene? -- must acknowledge that residents of the
fifth-most-populous state in the union deserve better than to be governed by a
late-night punch line.
Is the Gov a turd? Yes.
Is he scum? Yes.
Do the people of Illinois deserve better? Yes.
Did he commit a crime? The evidence does not appear to show that he has, and to me, that is the point.
The cornerstone of the entire American Experiment is process. The process has not shown that Blago has committed any high crime or misdemeanor. Perhaps he intended to, but as far as I can tell, nobody has come forward and stated that he has. It is a travesty that he is being impeached without such evidence.
If the threshold for executive impeachment is being a scumbag, we would have a system that did little else besides hold such proceedings. Blago is right that it would take away the power of an executive to take on a legislator and in essence, it would turn our political process into a mega version of Italy. If you don't know about the process of Italian government, go visit the good people at Google and read up on it.
For good or poor, the U.S., being as large as it is, errors on the side of stability. In a parliamentary system Bush would have easily been removed with a vote of no confidence. While I spent eight years wishing with my heart that it would happen, my brain told me that the process states he must remain in office unless he was shown to have committed a high crime or misdemeanor...oh wait a minute...

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Dude gets some company


It'd be far out if it were a good thing, but today, 71,400 people joined the ranks of the unemployed (including two people from my office). Optimists are predicting the tide will turn by the end of the second quarter, but FOX News claims we will be bashing each others skulls in for food and water by the end of the year. If you want to truly get depressed, don't turn on FOX.. just go to the job boards. Everyone who is actively looking knows there are a hundred competitors that are better and will take the job for less money. It's bedlam.

Somehow.. Geraldo maintains his employment by openly defending known sleazeball, Rod Blagojevich. That interview tormented the souls of Rogaine users everywhere.

The fucking war on profanity...

...is bullshit. It sucks elephant cock. It sucks worse than a crack-whore's....

I hope you get the point. Either way, check this out:



Unreal. Stories like this almost make me hope we have a greater depression
that will render us unable to pay this turd's salary.

This on the heals of (death threats aside) this hysterical organization and campaign.

I really hope "loods" make a comeback...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Great Obama Photo


Kids wake up too early...

As I sit in a semi-catatonic state, watching Saturday morning cartoons with my daughter, a foggy memory of the shows I watched as a kid permeates my subconscious and I smile...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why multiply when you can divide?

Rush Limbaugh is many things; a blowhard, a hypocrite, a narcissist and a narrow-minded prick. None of this is news. And it shouldn't come as a shock that he's trying to steal the spotlight away from President Obama by pandering to his conservative fan base with the proclamation that he hopes Obama fails as a president. He knows, in doing so, he is sure to get publicity and I assist him in this cause by repeating his asinine remarks here. What his words truly convey is quite telling and I feel it's important to read between the lines of this message. In his latest little rant, he deliberately misleads his listeners into believing Obama's ultimate goal is the "absorption of as much of the private sector by the US government as possible, from the banking business, to the mortgage industry, the automobile business, to health care," drumming up unfounded fears in his listeners. He goes on to say, "What is unfair about my saying I hope liberalism fails? Liberalism is our problem. Liberalism is what's gotten us dangerously close to the precipice here." This is when I began to think the oxycontin was kicking in. Did liberalism decide to chase Osama bin Laden to Iraq when he was in Afghanistan all along running up a trillion dollar tab on the American people? Did liberalism allow gluttonous corporations to do as they pleased without any checks and balances whatsoever? What the hell is this douchebag talking about? You can blame greed, ignorance and laziness for the mess we've gotten ourselves into, but not a political philosophy or alternative lifestyle. The sticking point (especially for his 99.99% white audience) came in the following excerpt, "Were the liberals out there hoping Bush succeeded or were they out there trying to destroy him before he was even inaugurated? (No, because he stole the election and people were rightfully pissed off.) Why do we have to play the game by their rules? (For the past 8 years, they haven't at all. Where have you been?) Why do we have to accept the premise here that because of the historical nature of his presidency, that we want him to succeed? This is affirmative action, if we do that. (His true colors are showing here. It's a good thing Donovan McNabb wasn't elected VP.) We want to promote failure, we want to promote incompetence, we want to stand by and not object to what he's doing simply because of the color of his skin? (We have promoted incompetence with everything we have done for the past eight years. Deep down inside, Rush wants someone to save what's left of this country he loves as dearly as I. He just wants it to be saved by a white man.) Sorry. I got past the historical nature of this months ago. He is the president of the United States, he's my president, he's a human being, and his ideas and policies are what count for me, not his skin color, not his past, not whatever ties he doesn't have to being down with the struggle, all of that's irrelevant to me. (nice save.. almost) We're talking about my country, the United States of America, my nieces, my nephews, your kids, your grandkids. Why in the world do we want to saddle them with more liberalism and socialism?" Oy. These unimaginitive hatemongers keep going to the well with that same tired line of crap. America is not and will never be a socialist state. The message all these clowns have been clinging to is one of division instead of unity. The world isn't changing. It has changed. Just because the methods and solutions of our grandparents will not work today doesn't mean we shit all over the tradition and spirit of the greatest generation of Americans to ever live. We need to dig out of this hole with answers and efforts that transcend party lines, but that would dip into Limbaugh's profits. There is big money to be made in misery and fingerpointing. I hold on to the hope that this new wave of positive energy can fight against all these people who love to TALK so much, so that we are can once again become a country of patriots who remember what it means to actually DO.

A Brief Rant of Little Import

I was just reading about how Obama's inauguration did not break Ronny's viewership record and thus, was not the most watched. Isn't that kind of like using book sales to measure how many people have read a particular book? I know that CNN and CSPAN both had clogged websites from the amount of viewers watching the inauguration. So its fine to say that Ronny had more people watching on TV than Obama did, just as I would assume more people listened to FDR's address than Reagan's. Internet consumption of visual material is every bit as real as those consumed through traditional channels. In other words, eat it television....

Inauguration Weekend : Big Inaugural Balls


Days 3 and 4, Jan 19 and 20

Your reporter failed to meet his deadline. When the IE bosses finally located him, face down on the bar at Kavanaugh's Pizza Pub, and demanded his reports, he offered them this.

"Rosa Sat, Martin Walked, Barack Ran - 2 parts vodka, one part cointreau, top with cranberry."

Wrap up :

Metro Rail didn't kill anyone. A 68 year old woman fell on the tracks early Tuesday morning, but she escaped with minor injuries. She provided Metro rail with a legitimate excuse for consistent delays throughout the day, as if the 1 million plus people weren't excuse enough. A Metro public announcement in the Rosslyn Metro station stated "Ladies and Gentleman, we apologize for the delay, a woman was hit by a train on the Red Line. Your patience is appreciated." Everyone seemed much more patient after that. Metro opened their gates and allowed people to exit without swiping their cards, essentially letting people ride for free.

Bush was booed, but not by everyone. It was actually quite short lived, and not very enthusiastic. Very few shoes were actually thrown, but that may have been due to the temperature.

It was cold. Very cold.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm pretty sure now that my parents wanted me to eat a lot of acid...

Exhibit A.


Oh, and good luck getting that song out of your head...

The great goodbye



My friends, does any combination of letters sound better than "former President Bush"? It is the linguistic equivalent of watching Cheney carted off, unable to transport himself under the weight of his own criminality. But more than enough bandwidth has been spent on these thugs, so on to the present.

I thought Obama had a strong start yesterday, and I am glad he took up the Gitmo issue right away. That being said, here are the top five items I want him to take care of today (in no particular order):

1) Push to abolish the death penalty. Its time we catch up with the rest of the civilized world.

2) Push to institute universal health care. Its time we catch up with the rest of the civilized world.

3) Issue an executive order to remove Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and allow homosexuals to serve.

4) Push to legalize (and tax) marijuana.

5) Issue an order to leave Iraq by the end of the summer.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This just in: FOX News sucks

Fox loves being negative. They fucking love it. They recently tooted their own horn for having the most internet hits in their history for an article about that Caylee girl that "allegedly" got killed by her mom in Orlando. They wear that as a badge of achievement which explains a lot. Throughout W's tenure as a president, FOX defended their brand of reporting as the only unbiased media source in the US (which explains the myriad of American flags that can always be seen on their channel). What a load of crap. They were obvious in their support of McCain, and they are equally obvious in their coverage of what should be heralded as a positive turning point in the evolution of this great nation. As previously mentioned, I was working today and followed the events via the internet in brief spurts. At 8:00 am, the inauguration wasn't even the top story on foxnews.com; it was the merger between Chrysler and Fiat. Then when they finally decided to cover the inauguration as the top story, it was always done with innuendos, downplaying the excitement and celebration. Example: a link to a video on the speech read **In his own words: "I, Barack Hussein Obama"** as if that was the most important phrase he spoke. Just another opportunity to mislead the easily duped by regurgitating the non-factor that is President Obama's middle name. Now they have a link that reads **Steal Obama's Secrets, Apply His Magic**, a tutorial on how to speak like President Obama. As if he only got to where he is because he's a good orator. Of the course the connotation is that he used "MAGIC, " (black magic at that) and tricks to fool the American people into getting to where he is. That actually sounds more like W in 2000, but I won't go there. Other lowlights are **Obama, Roberts Stumble Over Oath** (thank God they didn't have one of those posts every time W misspoke) and **Crowds Cause Disruption in Tech, traffic Patterns** The point being, FOX sucks. And so long as bottom feeders, haters and elitists thrive on this negativity, the scum that makes up their lineup will always have jobs. Heaven forbid they put a positive spin on anything. They'd melt.

Bush: 2 More Hours

I wish I knew what criminal schemes the Commander in Douch has up his nose right now. But anyway, I thought I would list some of his greatest hits as a way of making today a bit sweeter. Rememeber, you will never have to go to bed again with a President GWB for the rest of your life!

With out further ado:



Today is the first day of the rest of our lives..


To honor this special day, I will go to work. Those taxes aren't gonna pay themselves. Today I am proud to be an American moreso than I have been in roughly eight years. While there are few wrong ways to celebrate this historic moment, I must say I am totally on board with this one. Book your appointments, ladies!! You'll stimulate more than the economy.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Inauguration Weekend : Big Inaugural Balls











Day 2 : Sunday, Jan 18

The "We are One" concert was one the most beautiful things I've ever been a part of. It was easily the largest, most diverse crowd, I've ever seen.

Drinkability

I have to post on this. Bud Light wont let this ridiculous ad campaign go; instead, they've taken to fighting back against those mindful few that have voiced their frustration with the misuse of the "word" drinkability. In their newest ad, Bud Light offers as a definition the same explanation that is the first link provided when searching for "drinkability" on Google - which is obviously the most easily available definition of the word therefore seeming to have taken this issue not at all seriously: "Suitable or fit for drinking; potable." But I, being an argumentative prick, beg to differ on the grounds that bleach, liquefied cyanide, and pomegranate juice are all drinkable given their fluid traits. You wouldn't want to drink any of them, but they are indeed drinkable; therefore, each has at least some level of drinkability. On the other hand, some things are just clearly not drinkable such as: a brick, the Nation of Guam, and Carl Yastrzemski. Bud Light's ridiculous and obvious and completely fictional response to this would then probably be that drinkability refers to a liquid that will not kill you and provides a reasonable level of enjoyment to the consumer assuming the item is used in its intended form which is of course the form of drinking, hence expertly defining their meaning of the "word" drinkability and supposedly putting an end to meaningless blog posts all over the Internet exactly like this one. Well, if that's what they meant, then why didn't they just say it?

"Bud Light: It's a liquid that will not kill you"

Inauguration Weekend : Big Inaugural Balls

Day 1 - Saturday Jan 17

All of the bridges across the Potomac to DC from Virginia are going to be closed. One bridge, The Memorial Bridge, will be open to pedestrians only. In other words, it will be impossible to enter DC from it's southern neighbor Virginia, unless you are on foot. Some say this is an thinly veiled attempt to discourage attendance from Northern Virginia, an area with a significant African American population. Your reporter discovered that the bridges are actually being closed to discourage attendance from anyone living in a state which lost the Civil War.

An informal survey at an unofficial Pre-inaugural ball in Georgetown revealed that 6 out of 6 white people surveyed will NOT be attending the inauguration. Reasons given included the cold weather, the crowds, and schedule conflicts with a episode of "Real Housewives of Orange County" Your reporter was the lone exception, but failed to stay awake long enough to be asked, and was very dissapointed to hear both the results, and that he had missed it.

Metro Rail has not reported any major problems, but no one has actually gotten past the Smart Card vending machines yet.

Progressives who hoped to stage a mass protest during the invocation given by Rick Warren are being encouraged not to disrupt the ceremony by throwing shoes, blowing kisses, booing or hissing. Progressive leaders are instead encouraging would be protesters to wear rainbow colored sashes to the Inauguration. Your reporter hasn't seen any of these rainbow colored sashes for sale in local shops, nor has he looked, but instead smokes Virginia Slims Menthol with a pink lighter and feels he is doing his part.

The temperature has thus far cooperated with the Inaugural Weekend festivities. Your reporter claims it has remained hovering around 77F. Updates and or changes to this temperature will be reported when your reporter actually goes outside.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Big Inaugural Balls


I love this picture. I wish there were another 11 months of these, I'd make a calendar.

I have an announcement to make:

Do you wish you were in DC this weekend? Are you disappointed about having to watch Inauguration 2009 on TV? Faithful readers of IE, fear not. The blogger formerly known as Hanoi Jake will be blogging live from inside the beltway, to bring you all of the Inaugural sights and sounds, first hand. Armed with his trusty Nokia N72 and a $40 Starbucks gift card (Thanks Uncle Ronnie), he has set out to provide us with full coverage of all the main events, from Saturday until Tuesday, as long as he does not get too drunk.

From Security Checkpoints on the Potomac bridges to the bar stools of the District's cheapest drinking establishments, and all points in between, our man formerly of Hanoi will be there. His insight and poetic musings will entertain you, inform you and possibly disturb you. It's not to be missed.

So, sit back, turn off your television, turn up your stereo and stay tuned. The revolution will not be televised. It will be blogged.

Physician Heal Thyself

When he's not torturing cats or providing a medical prognosis from a thousand miles away, Bill Frist likes to suck up to the Bush Administration that made him relevant (as if he doesn't have enough punches on his cronyism card). In a recent "commentary" piece he wrote for CNN, Frist explains that the liberal media and politicial pundits ignore it, but that George Bush is, and will go down in history as, a "healer." Yep. That's the word he uses over an over. He explains that W committed $15B to helping to curb the spread of HIV in Africa (as if Bush ever had a problem writing checks future generations needed to cash). Frist touts the success of this program will eventually save 10 million lives in Africa (which kinda makes up for the millions he has been destroying here at home), a number he pulled straight out of his ass. He also gave $1.2B to combat malaria in Rwanda and enacted a plan to get prescription drugs (which he calls "the most powerful tool a doctor has to prevent and treat disease" - an argument for another day) to 43 million senior citizens who couldn't previously afford it. He also tries to spin a yarn that American students are smarter in math and science today than they were in the Clinton administration (he provides no real evidence of this, of course). I read this "commentary" and stared at the picture of Frist for about 45 minutes to see if I could detect any bullshit coming out his ears. To his credit, he kept it all in. (Special thanks to http://www.sparklepony.blogspot.com/ for such an awesome picture - please check her blog frequently~really good stuff)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

"The Authority Needed To Do What We Did"

Here's tonight's update on what the gullible are being spoonfed. The far-left media is staining the fabric of this fine country by accusing Americans of being a nation that "sadistically inflicts pain on the innocent and guilty" and condones torture. Funny, I found this little number on the not-so-far-left media outlet that signs your checks, Bill. In it, a top Bush official says, we kinda sorta may have knowingly tortured someone (you don't say). As we have discussed on this site, Cheney is most certainly subject to prosecution for actions he took while in office. W. has a get out of jail free card (for now). The thing that gets me is that the practice of torture is justified by the dynamic duo on the grounds that they had the authority to do what they felt needed to be done. Here's what the UN defines torture as. So what authority is it Cheney and W think they have? Executive privelege (may I never hear those words again). Fuck the UN. So basically you make your own rules. What's that called again? A dictatorship? O'Reilly drops the word un-American whenever anyone challenges the authority of the White House (which will change once Obama is the H.N.I.C.). What he doesn't get is that, unfortunately, we're not always in the right. Today's O'Reilly "please think for me" buzzword, for those that like to play along, is "radical left jihad." And as for your threat to "name names" and "make it stop" Bill. I am no-spinning in my pants.

Hissy Fit



Trebek is so obviously a JETS fan.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cheney asks Americans to forgive him.

Hah! Who are we kidding? In a recent interview with Jim Lehrer, Darth Cheney says among other things that Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda were in cahoots (despite internal investigations to the contrary), and that he feels no regret for his part in the deaths of 100,000+ dead Iraqis and 4500 previously alive Americans. He also feels the war on terror (sponsored by Halliburton et al.) in no way caused an iota of the current economic crisis. He does blame the Democratic lead Congress however for blocking a Fannie/Freddie wrist slap which apparently could have averted this whole mess. If you'd like to know what arrogance truly is, you can read a transcript here. I am going on record now that this dark soul will expire before the end of Obama's first term because, as we all know, dead men tell no tales. Lord knows what dark and twisted secrets will die with him.

Give 'Em Hell Herb!!!

Herb Quintero is trying to live his own version of the American dream. He invested half a million dollars renovating a building in a somewhat dodgy section of Clearwater, FL to open a bait and tackle shop. Part of this investment was hiring an artist to paint pictures of gamefish like grouper and snook on the side of the building. The audacity!!! Shortly after opening up shop, Herb started getting fines from the Pinellas County stating that local ordinances forbid shop owners from putting up signs on the sides of business establishments. Um.. what sign; they are pictures of fish!?!? Herb tried to plead his case to local dickwad, Jeff Kronschnabl (director of development and neighborhood services), but was told to pound sand. Fearing an additional fine (the economy is bad enough, right?), Herb decided to cover up the mural... with an enormous sign depicting the First Amendment. Since then, Herb has been (slowly) gaining national attention, but his fight continues. If you'd like to voice your opinion (as many have) on this, feel free to contact Jeff Kronschnabl here. And before you do any fishing in the Tampa/Clearwater area, please show your support by stopping by The Complete Angler. This is a prime example of your tax dollars (if you happen to live in Pinellas County, at least) being pissed away on frivilous bullshit.

Sidenote

We love finding out how people came to find our blog, so we set up a tracker which lets us know who you are and what you typed on your keyboard to get here. Sometimes get playful with how we title posts on this blog. I would like to give a big "Fuck You" to the scumbag from Cairo who googled "Children fuking movies" and ended up at this recent post. Please drink a gallon of bleach.

Ann Coulter on the View:

For those that have not seen this, it is worth a few minutes of your time. I really think she is all schtick:


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

An Email Thread...

I got the following toon passed on to me in an email this morning. Judging from the amount of FWDs in the subject, I assume this has been passed around as much as Clara, who is Mariano Rivera's wife. The email simply shows the toon with the caption "pass it on" sprinkled at the bottom. Here it is:


The implication, for those too tired or lazy to think, is that Israel does what it does to protect its children, whereas the Palestinians of Gaza do what they do by harming as many children as possible. While I find this portrayal to be a grossly underestimated summary of whats going on over there, I can't help but see that there exists some truth to the matter.

Israel could eliminate Hamas by bombing Gaza back to the stone ages....err, further back into the stone ages. Israel does put their own at risk in an attempt to save civilian lives, which is horribly difficult to do when rockets are being fired from civilian packed apartment dwellings and hospitals. 

Does this justify Israel's "out of whack" death count? In a way, it does. Remember, Israel is still a mostly secular state. More importantly, the Israeli government, being democratically elected, reflects this reality. Anyone who says this is a war of relgion is missing the entire point. This is, at its core, a dispute about land, but now I am off point...

Hamas is able to successfully sell religious extremism because the people of Gaza have nothing else left to buy. Whats left for a broken people to long for? So Hamas does not mind killing the young in the same way those that enlist child solders in Sri Lanka and Uganda care more about there cause then their young. 

I have always felt that a unwavering belief in eternal salvation reduces the experience of life to time spent in a waiting room. What is a government supposed to do when a group like that is firing rockets, day in and day out, into your people's living room?

So, where am I going with all of this? Maybe nowhere, but isn't that the point? I am writing about Israel/Palestine after all, and is there really anything left to write about it that's both coherent and honest?  



Monday, January 12, 2009

Biggest Ego since Ty Cobb makes it to the Hall

Kudos to Jim Rice who made into the Baseball Hall of Fame in his final year of eligibility. He was one of the most feared hitters of the 70s.

The rest of this post is devoted to Rickey Williams who never saw a mirror he didn't like. He loved himself so much he referred to himself in the third person constantly. He was lethal when it came to stealing bases and brilliant at providing soundbites. Some classics (compiled by Silock of ChiefsPlanet.com):
1)"Listen, people are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they know I’m ticked off, saying, ‘Rickey, what the heck are you doing, Rickey?’ They say, ‘Darn, Rickey, what are you sayin)g Rickey for? Why don’t you just say, ‘I?’ But I never did. I always said, ‘Rickey,’ and it became something for people to joke about.”
2) In the early 1980s, the Oakland A’s accounting department was freaking out. The books were off $1 million. After an investigation, it was determined Rickey was the reason why. The GM asked him about a $1 million bonus he had received and Rickey said instead of cashing it, he framed it and hung it on a wall at his house.
3) In 1996, Henderson’s first season with San Diego, he boarded the team bus and was looking for a seat. Steve Finley said, “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson looked at Finley and said, “Ten years? Ricky’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”
4) This one might be my second favorite. This wasn’t too long ago, I think it was the year he ended up playing with the Red Sox. Anyway, he called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”
5) This one happened in Seattle. Rickey struck out and as the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”
6) Rickey once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the Dominican Republic.
7) Moments after breaking Lou Brock’s stolen base record, Henderson told the crowd – with Brock mere feet next to him – “Lou Brock was a great base stealer, but today, I am the greatest of all-time.”
8) Henderson once fell asleep on an ice pack and got frostbite – which forced him to miss three games — in mid-August.
9) A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”
10) Henderson broke Ty Cobb’s career record for runs scored with a home run. After taking his usual 45 seconds or so around the bases, Rickey slid into home plate.
11) On being Nolan Ryan’s 5,000th career strikeout: “It gave me no chance. He (Ryan) just blew it by me. But it’s an honor. I’ll have another paragraph in all the baseball books. I’m already in the books three or four times.”
12) San Diego GM Kevin Towers was trying to contact Rickey at a nearby hotel. He knew Henderson always used fake names to avoid the press, fans, etc. He was trying to think like Rickey and after several attempts; he was able to get Henderson on the phone.Rickey had checked in under Richard Pryor.
13) I didn’t believe this one at first. However, I emailed a few contacts within the Sox organization and they claim it actually happened. This is priceless, it really is.The morning after the Sox finished off the sweep against St. Louis last October, Henderson called someone in the organization looking for tickets to Game 6 at Fenway Park.
14) The Mets were staying in a hotel less than a mile from Cinergy Field in Cincinnati. While some players walked, most took the team bus. A few minutes after they arrived — again it was less than a mile – the last players off the bus noticed a stretched limo that had just pulled up.Of course, Rickey emerged from the back seat.
15) A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?”
16) OK, I know everyone has been waiting for it. Alas, according to both parties involved, it’s not true. I wish it were. Heck, both Rickey Henderson and John Olerud have said they wish it were true. But it just didn’t happen.The story went that a few weeks into Henderson’s stint with the Mariners, he walked up to Olerud at the batting cage and asked him why he wore a batting helmet in the field. Olerud explained that he had an aneurysm at nine years old and he wore the helmet for protection. Legend goes that Henderson said, “Yeah, I used to play with a guy that had the same thing.”Legend also goes that Olerud said, “That was me, Rickey.”Henderson played with Olerud on the Blue Jays and the Mets.
17) Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”
18) During a contract holdout with Oakland in the early 1990s, Henderson said, “If they want to pay me like Mike Gallego, I’ll play like Gallego.”
19) In the late 1980s, the Yankees sent Henderson a six-figure bonus check. After a few months passed, an internal audit revealed the check had not been cashed. Current Yankees GM Brian Cashman – then a low-level nobody with the organization – called Rickey and asked if there was a problem with the check. Henderson said, “I’m just waiting for the money market rates to go up.”
20) In June 1999, when Henderson was playing with the Mets, he saw reporters running around the clubhouse before a game. He asked a teammate what was going on and he was told that Tom Robson, the team’s hitting coach, had just been fired. Henderson said, “Who’s he?”
21) This is my all-time favorite. Rickey was pulled over by a San Diego police officer for speeding. As the officer was approaching Rickey’s car, the window went down a few inches and a folded $100 bill emerged. The officer let Rickey and his money head home without a ticket.
22) When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”
23) During one of his stays with Oakland, Henderson’s locker was next to Billy Beane’s. After making the team out of spring training, Beane was sent to the minors after a few months. Upon his return, about six weeks later, Henderson looked at Beane and said, “Hey, man, where have you been? Haven’t seen you in awhile.”
24) To this day and dating back 25 years, before every game he plays, Henderson stands completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and says, “Ricky’s the best,” for several minutes.
25) In the last week of his lone season with the Red Sox, Chairman Tom Werner asked Henderson what he would like for his ‘going-away’ gift. Henderson said he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would like owner John Henry’s Mercedes. Werner said it would be tough to get the same make and model in less than a week and Henderson said, “No, I want his car.” Turns out the Sox got Henderson a Red Thunderbird and when he saw it on the field before the last game of the season, Rickey said, “Whose ugly car is on the field?”

Rickey made Deion Sanders look humble. He'll probably want a solid gold bust in Cooperstown to compliment his standard of play.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

You can't make this up

So a convicted sex offender in Alaska won $500,000 in a raffle that raised money for the victims of sexual abuse. I recommend watching the video in this link for the full nauseating effect. I have been slammed on this blog before by my colleagues who feel my anti-liberal stance on what should be done with convicted sex offenders is too harsh. But this is a slap in the face.

How we got here..



Or like this, depending on what you're talking about..

Whats so funny....

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Truth Is Out There

I don't know much about galactic emissions, radio waves and what things are capable of actually making noise in the vast vaccuum of space, but the people at the American Astronomical Society do and some strange shit is afoot. Or at least it was and we are just now hearing it from light years away. A weather balloon launched years ago to study the radio waves present in the early generations of stars was drowned out by a noise six times greater than anything they were expecting to hear. A deafening roar is ripping through the universe created by lord knows what. There is a ton of documentation on this event that you can find by checking out the commentary and research documents collected here. While there is wild speculation as to what magnetic fields or black hole could have generated enough radiation to create such a racket, I have my own suspicions...

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Blow'Reilly on the return of Palin

Ya know how to tell if you are part of the right wing conspiracy? You use deliberately pointed buzzwords like "flip flopper" and today's nugget "guttersnipes," which only serve the purpose of smearing or defiling someone or something. And God help you if you use these words in your everday lexicon and expect people not to think you are a spoonfed sheep who can't even read a newspaper without having someone (like Captain No Spin) to translate it.

One of my favorite lines..

..from the movie "Heat" is taken from the dialogue between DeNiro and Pacino that sets the stage for the finale. DeNiro, the bank robber, is explaining to Pacino, the cop, that he will not go down quietly if the fuzz interferes with what should be the final heist of his career. DeNiro's character has avoided capture because his wisdom is equal to his bravado and mockingly asks Pacino, "Do you see me doing thrill-seeker liquor store holdups with a "Born to Lose" tattoo on my chest?"

Well this guy is no Bobby D.

The train wreck that never ends

There's so much here, I don't know where to begin. While her supporters will look at this as Mama Grizzly fighting back at the "gotcha media" and Tina Fey (not to mention those darn anonymous bloggers), I think this is further evidence that Sarah Palin is a know-nothing twat. This is conservative propaganda at it's maverickiest.

Are Islamic radicals really this dumb?

I'm no expert on lovemaking in the muslim world, but I am guessing Ayman al-Zawahiri has a problem with premature ejaculation. In his latest attempt to round up the gullible and willing to die for the favor of Allah, he is outright blaming Barack Obama for the escalation of violence in the Gaza Strip. W has been the posterboy for the recruiting of suicide bombers and other would-be mujahadeen for the past 8 years, and al-Zawahiri wants to get the first punch in on the new guy, I suppose. The only problem is, Obama has as much executive power right now as Hannah Montana. Is the muslim world really supposed to accept the notion that Obama "kills [their] brothers and sisters in Gaza mercilessly and without affection?" That's a little over the top for a guy who is still a couple weeks from assuming power, no? If this line of manure is really working, al-Zawahiri should get out of the jihad business and open up a car dealership. I mean, if all it takes to get these people to swallow these lines is to talk loudly and wave your finger (as he does in 80% of photos ever taken of him), there has to be a safer line of work than terrorism. I get that he wants to get a dig in on Egypt (his homeland which had previously jailed him), but this attempt is pretty weak overall.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Boo Fucking Hoo

If you think this guy looks smart, you're wrong. He is a complete moron. His name is Adolf Merckle. He was born into money and expanded his family empire by transforming his grandfather's chemical company into one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in Europe. He raised four kids and lived a relatively quiet life with pretty much anything he ever needed at his fingertips. Herr Merckle got his lederhosen in a twist due to the failing economy when he saw his net worth drop a couple billion dollars in the last year, leaving him with a paltry 7 or 8 billion. So he threw himself in front of a train and killed himself. Um... if you can afford to buy Manchester United, the New York Yankees and the Los Angeles Lakers and you still consider yourself to be a failure, you need to get a fucking hobby. A puppy would probably suffice too. This is the same backwards train of thinking that doomed Enron execs who were so bored with all their money they tried to measure their dicks by acquiring rare artwork and fast cars. Greed is good unless it robs you of all common sense and happiness. Loosen the tie and find new friends. Or find Jesus. But don't insult hard working people everywhere who are barely scraping by in this economic debacle by taking such a drastic action when you've had every luxury life could possibly afford you. Douchebag.

A Man, a Woman and a Rabbi walk into a bar...

I was planning on writing a story about the situation in Gaza Strip. As a member of the "peace camp" I am usually outraged at Israel around this point in a conflict with everyone involved. For some strange reason I am thinking Israel is doing what needs to be done at this point. Are they over reacting? Its hard to say. On paper, of course they are. They are well equipped and fighting an enemy that is launching decades old rockets with sling shots. But those rockets are hitting homes and hospitals and schools. And the governments of the Arab world want Israel to succeed despite their rhetoric. They fear Iranian influence far more than Israeli aggression. Sadly they have used Israel as a whipping boy to deflect they way they are oppressing their people (see Egypt, Syria, etc) but make no mistake, a weak Hamas means a weaker Iran.

Hamas are scum. They purposely target civilians and hide missile launchers in densely populated apartment dwellings. What is Israel to do?

End the Occupation? Sure, I am all for it. But how? Give Hamas a state that is built on an allegiance to Israeli destruction? Anyone on the left that honestly feels that is a viable solution to anything is blinded by a lust to oppose anyone aligned with the United States, even when the cost is your principles.

For some reason it reminds me of the scene in Malcolm X when the young lady approaches Denzel and says "What can a nice white person for me do to help your cause?"

But enough about chickens and eggs. There is a transgender rabbi to be delt with:

When Elliot Kukla, a Reform rabbi, came out as transgender six months before his
ordination in 2006, he never imagined how openly the Jewish community would be
addressing transgender issues just three years later. This month, he is poised
to address a West Coast regional conference of Reform rabbis on the subject, and
even the elderly Jews that he works with in the Bay Area are largely accepting
of his identity. "I'm so amazed at the old ladies who will turn to their friends
and say, 'Did you meet the nice, young transgender rabbi?'" Kukla said. "Some of
that is San Francisco, but that conversation would never have happened a few
years ago."


I really hope we can get past sexuality politics in the future, but this is a start. I am glad Kukla is being accepted. Mozel Tov.