Friday, August 1, 2008

Is anyone here from Arizona?


If so-- how do you live here? Its 8:30 in the morning and its already 647 degrees Celsius. I think that's over a trillion degrees Fahrenheit. If the good lord wanted Jews like me to live in the desert, he/she would have put our homeland in the desert...Well, forget that last part, but its really, really hot. I think I would rather have my dog relive her bowels in my car then have to stand out there for one minute more than is necessary. Not only that, but I think everyone here is armed and is trying to kill us. If they are not, they should be for the terrible things I am thinking about them. And we're not even in Texas yet.

We will be in El Paso tonight, which I think might be cool, because its almost entirely comprised of Mexicans and Central Americans. The only Texans I have beef with are the wild eyed cowboys that think murder is compassion and white makes right. Ya know, the kind that utter barley legible phrases such as: Bush a good man but he just wunt, ya know, conserv-tive nuff cause we shoulda just go down and blow up damn Mex-co ta pieces.

Please note: never travel with animals. Make them find their own way. I love my dog, and I even like the wife's cat, but next time, they find their own ride. They are slowing us down. I could zip through Texas quickly if it wasn't for them and their inability to cope with extreme heat, need to eat and relief of previously eaten and drank food and water.

Anyhow, I may have WiFi in El Paso, or I may not. I do know they have a casino, and if they have A.C., I will be making a fortune. Half of all profits will go toward the Free Dr. Monkey drive.

Stay classy everyone, now more than ever...

15 comments:

HelenWheels said...

Read that Matt Taibbi article - or just the first paragraph - that Bradda linked to. He described AZ pretty aptly, I think you'd agree!

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Don't believe that, "but it's a dry heat" bunk either. An oven's dry too, but I don't want to live in one.

Bradda said...

Helen, As always Matt tears AZ a new one in that article. Have you read his book ?? It's hilarious and scary.

Randal Graves said...

I need to reclaim my roots and move somewhere north. Even 85 is too fucking hot. I can't fathom Arizona.

But yeah, thanks for the redneck shot. Bastard.

Dean Wormer said...

They are slowing us down. I could zip through Texas quickly if it wasn't for them and their inability to cope with extreme heat, need to eat and relief of previously eaten and drank food and water.

For a minute there I thought you were talking about kids. Crack the window and leave them a bowl of water and they'll be okay.

puddy said...

the deaner's comment got me thinking... you're trying to pass this off on your pets... and that's just bullshit... evil, bullshit. i've taken road trips with your sorry ass - you have to pee every 37 minutes on the nose. almost as bad as bradda wanting to stop and take a picture at every "welcome to whatever shithole state your in now" sign.

and for the record: that's right, i'm "puddy" now. while i've enjoyed the moniker "kreplech" for 15 years, i fear it may be too... uhm... jewy (there, i said it) for mass consumption. ya fuckers been calling me "puddy" for 7 years anyhow... so, there it is.

Bradda said...

Your a strange mankreplech/puddy.

For the record, I don't have ANY pictures of "Welcome to Various State" from our roadtrip to Glacier National Park, so I have no idea what your blathering about.

puddy said...

bradda - you don't have to try to impress your blog friends... we know... we know...

Bradda said...

I don't have any friends Krepuddy. All I have is this lamp, this matchbook, this ashtray and my dog.....shithead!

puddy said...

you have a dog named shithead?

you have a dog named shithead?

got_nugs said...

I'm your friend Bradda...


and i've seen the pics.


Catch Hanoi at 383 - UFAT

Sal Kilmister said...

Kreplech, you are Kreplech. This is the worst move since Prince changed his name to that stupid symbol. Be a grown up and change it back. Whats next, cutting yourself?

puddy said...

fuck you fascist. every man has the right to be called whatever he'd like to be called (see: Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr.)

i feel like i should understand the "cutting yourself" reference... what are we talking about? how did i get here?

Anonymous said...

Cankle!

Sal Kilmister said...

Kreplech, I don't recognize this Puddy nonsense...Its wrong I tell ya. Its wrong.