Saturday, August 23, 2008

Top 6 things less interesting than John McCain

Earlier today I paid a visit to the great site devoted to things younger than McCain. Since it is Saturday and I am stuck inside during a tropical storm, I thought I would post something nice about the senior Senator from Arizona-- ie, things more dull than John McCain. The guy is a snoozer, but the things I am going to list are, in my opinion, even more boring than the presumptive Republican nominee. Feel free to ad your own, if you can stay awake that long. Make no mistake, this is a very tough assignment, probably even more difficult than that terrible hour I spent watching Fox news last month. After all, what could really be less interesting than John McCain??? I tried making this a top 10 list, but I could only come up with six things.

But first, I leave you with a thought: Someone born the day John McCain was AARP eligible is now old enough to drink in all 50 states.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, here are some pretty boring things:

6) The pet rock

I was on the fence about this one. I mean, it is a pet and it is a rock, so at the very least it serves two purposes and McCain only serves one. But I have to think McCain is more interesting than a rock inside a box....right?

5) Andrew Ridgely

Yes, the other guy from Wham. What the hell is up with this guy? He added nothing to the duo and really held George back. I think it is safe to say he is less interesting than John McCain. At least McCain has all those scars to go along with his creepy personality. What does Andy bring to the table?

4) Wendy's

I don't eat fast food, but I used to all the time, and I never liked this place. It tries to be a healthier alternative to McDonalds or BK, but who really buys into that? And what kid get excited about going to Wendy's? Find me a kid who likes those stupid square burgers and I'll show you a McCain supporter that isn't a genocidal racist....Not gonna happen.

3) Cleaning

Cleaning is no fun, at least not for me. I have heard McCain speak, and as bad as it is, I would still rather watch him on the tube than I would mop the floor or wipe a bath tub. At least, if you have the means, you can hire a cleaning person. Maybe I can hire someone to watch the RNC for me next week....

2) The 4th Grade

This is the year that a kid has really got to buckle down and get the academic house in order, or else you may not get into the upper level math classes in middle school a few years down the line, and the rest of your schooling will center upon learning how to write checks and lick stamps. The entire grade is lousy, and far less interesting than McCain.

1) Cindy McCain

As I have stated in previous posts, she is the product of Hitler's most talented taxidermist and as dull as her husband is, she is far worse. I can't even imagine what an evening might be like in one of their seven homes. Do they even try to communicate? I just get the sense that they spend all their time looking at fine China and robust Greek boys performing feats of strength in their garden.


Randal Graves said...

I don't know man, I'm sure Andrew Ridgely's post-Wham career would wake anyone up before they go go, with all its highs and lows. If anyone cared.

Dammit, you might be right.

Didn't he actually release a solo record? And if so, how fucking scary is it that I know that. Still not as scary as #1 on your list.

Freida Bee said...

I don't know. At least, according to the pic, Andrew Ridgely is out and proud about his apparent urine fetish. I can't say the same for McMuffin.

Comrade Kevin said...

Two words. Art Garfunkle.

puddy said...

that was four words.