Thursday, July 10, 2008

McCain on Birth Control, Civil Rights and ABBA (or How I Learned to Stop Wavering and Called McCain a Turd)

I don't like John McCain. Neither does my wife or my parents. My grandmother, who is 87 years old, says he is far too old to be president and will be voting Obama, citing her experience with aging and declining mental faculties. She lives in South Florida, and I am going to fly down there to train her in the ways of the butterfly ballot.

When I speak with any of them, the topic of McCain sucking often serves as a stop gap if we have nothing else to speak about, and for this, if nothing else, I am grateful.

I believe the man is a turd. In April of 1864, President Lincoln wrote a letter to Albert G. Hodges in which he eloquently (and correctly) stated "If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong."

I apply the same logic to McCain-- If McCain is not a turd, nobody is a turd.

The following video, where he is fidgety and uncomfortable when asked about birth control and Viagra, is yet another sad example:

Notice how he admitted that didn't how he voted, or as he put it "know what I voted." He is getting dangerously close to a Bushisim with that last line, or the classic Bill Hicks bit:

I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House.
I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a
book, right? Waitress walks over to me: " Hey,
whatchoo readin' for?"

Isn't that the weirdest fucking question you've ever
heard? Not what am I readING, but what am I reading *for*? Well, godammit, ya
stumped me! Why do I read? Well... hmmm... I dunno... I guess I read for a lot
of reasons, and the main one is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle

Do you think McCain was more sensitive to discussing birth control because he doesn't want to unsettle conservative voters, or the mention of Viagra, because he uses it to get nasty with his taxidermied wife? He almost instinctively dismisses the conversation before he really even understands what it is about. This is probably a pattern with him, like it would be trying to convince him that terrorists breed in the smoke of bombs.

Then I came across this site, which outlines the atrocities of McCain's civil rights record.

Here are some of his greatest hits:

- Voted against MLK holiday in 1983; now calls that a mistake.

- Don't ask, don't tell is working; don't tamper with it.

- Confederate flag on top of capitol was wrong; in front is ok.

- Confederate flag is a symbol of heritage.

- Voted NO on ending special funding for minority & women-owned

- Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage.

- Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual

- Rated 0% by the ACLU, indicating an anti-civil rights voting

- Rated 7% by the NAACP, indicating an anti-affirmative-action

While reading this I came up with a good slogan his campaign could use: Vote McCain, because you've had worse!

And that is the handle on McCain -- he is not the worst, but he is still so, so, so, bad. He is not as bad as Bush, just as Bush isn't as bad as was Mussolini, who in turn was better than Hitler. The possibility of leadership by any of these men could never be in a just or rational world.

But there they are, and here we are, which moves me to my next example...

The turd loves ABBA!!! This may not be news to some of you, but it sure is to me. Here is an expert from October 2007:

During a campaign bus swing through South Carolina today, Sen. John McCain
demonstrated his love of hot dogs and declared his love of ABBA. The comments
about the Swedish group came up on the bus as he talked about what’s on his

“Dare I say ABBA. Everybody says, ‘Ehhh, ABBA.’ Why is that? ABBA was the
largest selling (recording act ever). Nobody likes them but they sold more
records than anybody in the history of the world, including the Beatles. But
everybody hates them. (But) you’re a no-class guy if you like ABBA. Why does
everybody go see ‘Mamma Mia?’ Hypocrisy! Rank hypocrisy! I’m not embarrassed to say I like ABBA, ‘Dancing Queen.’”

More from McCain. If elected, “the background music would be ABBA in the elevators all over the White House.”

And he misses the entire point. Love of ABBA, if anything, is and should be a guilty pleasure. Like masturbation, it should not be touted in public and should only be discussed in open by confused teenagers and spirited old folk--like my grandmother, who also loves ABBA (I haven't really had a chat with her about masturbation), and will converse about them to anyone willing to discuss the subject with her. And that's fine, because she is not running for president. She is not going to play "Dancing Queen" in the elevators of the White House and she is not going to have her finger on the button.

Why is it that we can have a Constitutional threshold for a president's age on the low side, but we don't have one on the high end?

So, in closing, allow me to leave you with a question one of my more enlightened, albeit corny students asked me after class today: If you ride inside the Straight Talk Express and talk about homosexuals, is it really honest to call it the Straight Talk Express???


puddy said...

great video sal! you can really see mccain's withdrawal symptoms from the ibogaine in that one.

Dr. Zaius said...

Hey! Great link. And a great post too! (Don't hate Abba too much. It's not their fault!)

Dr Zibbs said...

Bill Hicks. Why did he have to die? Unfair.

Randal Graves said...

But a dried turd, or one still fresh? Sure, he's old and dessicated, but he spews forth new and excited flip-flops each day!

It would still be the Straight Talk Express, just closeted. At least those small bathrooms prevent wide stancing.

Eleanor Roosevelt said...

What we spend on the Iraq war every 27 seconds could pay of both my and my husband's student loans, and we owe a lot.

And yes, ABBA does suck. Momma Mia my ass.