Saturday, September 13, 2008

Trolls

Trolls are creatures that live under bridges, in cardboard boxes and occasionally they seek residence on the internet. They are spiteful creatures by nature who spend their many idle and uninspired moments spewing hate and overt jealousy. They tend to drink ~ a lot. They are hairy and mean and often difficult to understand because they have swollen tongues. Dick Cheney's great-grandmother was half troll. While all trolls can appear scary, (I mean, shit.. they swallow bones, right?) some trolls are just toothless and sad. Commonly of low morale, ettiquette and intelligence, they compensate for their myriad of inadequacies by hurling barbs of anger as loudly as they can in their rough (and difficult to interpret) language. On rare occasions, some trolls show signs of frustration that manifest into a series of consecutive angry episodes. At these times, they will express their rage and disappointment in a masturbatory string of barks and grunts. Usually saying the same thing over and over in different ways. When these tantrums eventually cease, the troll is left only half as exhausted as those in his wake. And at the end of it all, the troll is no better and has done nothing to improve his position in the world because trolls are inherently lazy and pessimistic. There ARE ways to get rid of trolls, of course, but that is another matter...

4 comments:

Distributorcap said...

cheney's great-grandmother is only half troll?

Randal Graves said...

You don't want to know what the other half is.

Sal Kilmister said...

HA!

Sal Kilmister said...

Well, we now have to approve all comments because of Bradda's mental illness. Some of you may not know this, but a while back Bradda, who was trying to study for his GED, started acting strange and his caretaker noticed that he was talking to walls and had to call 211 (look it up if you don't know what it is). It was bad. His doctor ordered him to drink 30 cans of cheap beer everyday to deal with his disorder. It works better than the Thiothixene, which made him think he was an intellectual because he had read a book. The only down side is that he will forever be 14 and have to have a caretaker for the rest of his life(I'll leave it at that- trust me, those that know, know). It is better than the Thiothixene, and we wish him well. Sadly his doctor has asked us to set up the blog so that all comments had to be approved, and to never approve him again. Apparently a side effect of being an unemployable alcoholic is that you act like an idiotic and psychotic troll every once in a while. He asked us to please help Bradda who obviously and tragically can't help himself. The good news, the doc said, is that Bradda could never be a threat to himself because apparently it takes work to harm one's self, so he should remian safe.

Sally forth with strength young Bradda, and let the winds sail you far! Adios, you shall never walk amongst us again...